Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.07 - 4th day (4)

Tak, tak, tak, tak... Silent!

We were all silent!

Tak, tak, tak, tak, tak... Silent please!

We were all silent!

The representative of the great leader, the supreme judge –the great leader did not come- started talking after making sure that he will be the only one talking from now on and no one will utter a word without his permission. He looked into my face with very solemn eyes and began speaking:

- Comrade Snow! You are accused of three crimes. Do you know what they are?

- Yes, your honour!

- Let me repeat once more to make sure that the court knows the accusations.

First: You have behaved carelessly while interacting with humans. You made yourself too visible in the day times and put yourself and your community in a great danger. This caused the death of five comrades previous night and the toll might rise tonight and the following nights.

Second: You intend to have an illicit love affair with a human despite the fact that our principles strictly ban such an ugly behaviour in all circumstances. What if you get infected by a human and bring some deadly diseases to our community? We all know that humans are dirty, greedy, aggressive animals. They carry all sorts of diseases that once we get infected, the entire mice community could be wiped out from the earth! How could you bear the responsibility of such a freewheeling behaviour?

Third and the most important one: You seem to have some counter-revolutionary ideas which are harming the solidarity of mice. You do know that these are the times we need to be united as a single force against our enemies and you do know that solidarity of mice in these days is even more important than doing the morally right thing. Your writings are now in the hands of many young, inexperienced, naive comrades and they are now spreading those absurd ideas all over the mice community. It is like flu, affecting the weak ones first and spreading quickly like the cyanide in the blood. If we do not stop it, it will cause a big split at the middle of the mouse community.

The court would like to listen to your defence and asks you to make yourself clear.

So dear diary, our conversation started with this opening. I was not surprised with the first two accusations and a part of the third one. However, I had no idea how my thoughts –the diaries that I hide in my room- spread over the youth and influenced their minds. I was not sure if I should be happy or not! Should I? Perhaps yes! One should fight for his ideas, right? One should be standing despite the current against him. If the young mice read my thoughts and agreed upon them, how can this be my fault? However, I cannot say it is my success either. I always considered myself as an independent thinker. I kept my opinions as clandestine as possible and never spoke to anyone about them, not even to my closest friends. So who has leaked my writings outside? Not my kids? Not my ex-wife? Then there must be a secret organization using my ideas as their principles and spreading them in young population. They were probably sneaking into my home when I was away and copying them. This is really impressive, dear diary! Very very promising! Just before I lose all my hope in the youth because of their bohemian life styles, now I realized that there is still hope in the young generation.

However, I still needed to clean my hands from the first two crimes. For this I wanted to play down, bowing my head and asking for their understanding.

Comrade supreme judge! I admit that I am guilty of the first crime. I did careless things while listening to my heart instead of listening to my mind. My heart is a fire place and I don’t know how I can control it. Once the fire begins, the wind takes the entire control and the flames spread to my mind so quickly that I hardly have time to adjust. I behaved heedlessly but I never wanted to kill any comrade. This case should be considered as an accident because I did not intend to harm anyone. It is an indirect result of a mindless behaviour. Therefore, I am asking from the court to forgive me. I can talk to the families of the lost comrades and ask for their compassion. I know nothing will bring those five valuable lives back but punishing me for an accident like this will cost the community one more comrade.

Then I stopped talking and waited for the reaction. The crowd behind me started shouting, “Murderer! Killer!!! Rot in Hell! Traitor!” I was not surprised as this would be the reaction of crowds in such an environment. But at that moment, I realized that the crowd on my right side was dead quiet. They did not say a word. I thought the split that the great leader mentioned has already occurred. They were quiet because they were afraid of the great leader or his shadow in the courtroom otherwise they would be supporting me. A huge empire of fear was built in every mouse’s head together with its castles and prisons. Other than this, they were with me. I felt stronger at that moment, felt “bigger than life” after a very long time. Perhaps, it was the time to stop being fainthearted. It was time to be a leader, to behave like a leader, to talk like a leader... The supreme judge began talking after silencing the crowd.

We will consider your plea after the session. You seem you regret your behaviour. This can play a mitigating role in our final verdict. So what do you say about the other two crimes. Are you also going to ask for clemency for betraying the principles of the revolution?

I listened to his question carefully so that I can use his words to attack him which he would not expect at all.

No, your honour! I won’t expect any forgiveness from you or from the loyal comrades for my ideas because I don’t think I did anything wrong. I fell in love with a human female but my relationship lasted only a few days. So now I can say it was not love but only a fancy infatuation. I truly loved my wife once but after she left me and my kids, my heart needed someone to replace her. So I saw this woman and I thought it could happen. We all make same mistake, right? We take risks and love is all about taking risk. At least I was courageous enough –and stupid too- to jeopardize my life for my love. She tried to kill me three times. You cannot understand how my heart shattered after each failure of declaration of love. I tried and I failed. However, we have to ask ourselves why?

Humans are everywhere, your honour and if we want to live in peace, we have to learn living with them. I still believe it is possible to sign treaties with humans and live without the fear. We already have rats, snakes, dogs, ravens to be afraid of. Humans can be kind. Why are they so generous to cats and dogs? What benefit do they receive from these animals? Nothing! But still they feed them; they enjoy the company of dogs, they like playing with cats. Now, my question is why we are not trying to ally with the strong ones and use their power to wipe out our real enemies, the rats! With the smart weapons of men in our hands, we can easily initiate the revolution and throw out the rats outside this land. Then the entire school can be ours, building 2, building 3, the dormitory, the gym, the pool, the football field and the tennis courts, the library, the parking lot and even the president’s office. The poor mice suffering under the selfish management of rats, the miserable citizens of mouseland crying everyday for food while all their stocks are stolen by the bourgeois rats, the enslaved comrades working in the dark tunnels to find food for rats... They all need this revolution as soon as possible.

The court was quiet for a few seconds. I thought I was getting their support. When the supreme judge looked at the crowd with expecting eyes, almost angrily anticipating their contribution, they started again. “Liar! Daydreamer! Idiot! Enemy of mice! Enemy of the great leader!... Death to the traitors!”

The supreme judge waved his hand to silence the crowd as if he wasn’t the one who started it. Then he turned to one of the judges sitting next to him. The judge sitting in his red cloak whispered him a few words and their conversation lasted a few minutes. Of course, no one heard what they said to each other but it seemed to me that the supreme leader was no more as strong as he used to be. The judge with the red cloak turned me and asked

Your answers are too sentimental, far from being logical. You assume that humans will sit on tables with us to bargain out future. You assume that they will like us. Besides, none of the things you said can explain your writings on permanent revolution or spreading the revolutions to other lands. According to your diary, written on 13^th February 20.., you even want the revolution spreads outside this school, other side of the highway, every corner of the world. Is this true? Don’t you think these are against the ideas of great leader who suggests keeping ourselves strong with one state and defending our sovereignty? Being against the great leader is the biggest crime as it threatens the unity of the prospective revolution. What will you say about it?

At that moment, I thought they actually seized all my notebooks, not only one or two. So they can pick any one or two sentences like a doctor picks a dirty tissue from a wound and consequently blame me for that particular sentence without considering where that sentence comes from. However, I did not want to negotiate about the authority of the great leader. I wanted to say what I exactly wrote in this diary a few days ago.

Dear comrade judge, I have to admit that I don’t worship individuals. I believe our biggest trouble is to exalt the leaders to a point where we turn blind to their mistakes. I believe the future of mice is in the revolution and surely great leaders are required to achieve great things. However, leaders exist like all other mice. One goes, another comes. They are mortal. Their ideas can survive till time spreads the cold ashes over them. Then we need new leaders, new horizons, new targets. Sticking the same principles for many years will only drag us backwards. I truly believe in a society which can achieve both equity and efficiency but I don’t believe this can be done by static rules. We need to adapt to the change, we need to discover the psychology of mice and create the new society all together.

I also believe that it is our interest and our task to make the revolution permanent until all the more or less propertied classes have been driven from their ruling positions, until the proletariat has conquered state power and until the association of the proletarians has progressed sufficiently far – not only in one building but in all the leading buildings of the world – that competition between the proletarians of these buildings ceases and at least the decisive forces of food supplies are concentrated in the hands of the working mice. ... Their battle-cry must be: "The Permanent Revolution".

Then I stopped, dear diary! As soon as I stopped I heard some noise again but this time it was on my side, more like mumbling, a hesitating burble was coming out slowly. But once the level of sound reached the alarming points, the supreme judge hit the table in front of him and shouted to the guards while showing the mice on my right side.

Take this crowd outside. They don’t know how to behave in the court.

While the guards were taking my supporters outside, I felt that the war started. There was no more going back for me. I needed to be strong in order to guide these young mice who trust me. I needed to be a responsible mouse no matter what the court would decide.

The supreme judge asked me many more questions and I answered them with the same tone. Sometimes I gave an ironic response making them feel miserable and sometimes I explained my theories with precise logic that leaves no doubt behind. The whole trial took more than 3 hours. At the end I was exhausted but at the same time I was pleased with what I have achieved. Once all questions are asked, they gave 15 minutes break to the trial in order to discuss the final verdict. The noise inside the court was suppressing the protests outside but still I knew very well that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of young hearts were with me. During that 15 minutes break, a guard approached to my ex-wife and took her to the back room where three judges were discussing the verdict. I was pretty sure they would be asking her about the kids and about my effectiveness as a father. They needed her because they knew that legends are born only when eyewitnesses keep silent. It was quite clear that a legend would be the last thing they needed now. So the lies, aspersions and defamations will be following the court’s decision.

Then dear diary, the supreme judge and the other two judges appeared with firm faces. They were walking with small steps as if they wanted to know where exactly they were putting their feet. Then the court stood up. The supreme judge unfolded a piece paper in his hand and started reading.

To be continued...