Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.01 - 5th day (END)

15^th May 20.. – 22:31

Dear new diary,

I don’t know where I am now and perhaps not knowing is the best thing for the time being. I am given this notebook with a childish pink cover. It is disgusting as there is a Mickey Mouse picture on it. For those who don’t know, I should write here: We mice do not like Mickey Mouse because it does not really represent the mice. It does not even have moustaches and it is a symbol of cowardice. I head many times when people play sports, the good players call the weak ones, “What are you, maaaan? Are you a lion or a Mickey Mouse?” This is why we love Jerry. He is smart and brave. And he has a nice, mousely moustache!

Dear new diary, do not misunderstand me but I miss my old diary, the one with the blue cover, the one I was talking to in recent days. They took the old one from me after my first night in the prison cell. The plan was to deport me to a small island at the middle of a distant river. I don’t know how they would carry me there and how they would make sure that I could not come back. It was their problem. However, for the history’s sake I should get back to the day of trial and tell you what exactly happened on that important day.

I already wrote above, I was put in a prison cell to wait for my exile. This already leaves no question about the court’s decision. The supreme judge did not have any hesitation in his voice while reading the court’s final verdict. He clearly declared that I am not only an enemy of revolution but also an enemy of mouse community. I can never be rehabilitated by the system so the only thing court should do is to isolate me from the innocent mouse population. This is the only way to make sure I will no more harm the young brains in building 1. Therefore, I must be exiled to an island where I must live with some ignorant, uneducated mice who don’t even speak my language. I must not communicate with the mice living in building 1 and must not write a single word for the rest of my life. Then he continued with the cliché exaltations of the great leader. He mentioned why we should be following the principles of ANIFA and how we can be so grateful to the great leader for his foresighted ideas. The trial adjourned with the classic praises of the great leader. The mice inside the court applauded and the mice outside the court were forced to stay silent. Even though I asked about the future of my kids, the noise inside the court did not allow my question reach to the right ears. With the help of two guards, I was taken outside the court and then brought to a prison cell.

I must admit that I was lucky for all this time for one thing. Before leaving for the court I put my diary into my pocket and fortunately no one in the court has searched me. So when I arrived to the cell, the two court guards handed me to a young prison guard. He walked me till the door of my cell and before he unlocked my shackles, he searched my pockets. When he found the diary in my pocket, instead of looking at what is written inside, he looked back at the main door of the prison to check if any other prison guard sees him. Once he was sure that there was no one checking on him, he leaned towards my ears and whispered “I am a Snowist too. You must keep this!” I was shocked. I have never heard “Snowism” before but this comrade talked like he is part of a secret group which carries my name. I could not say anything but just smiled, acted as I understood what he was talking about. After releasing me from my iron burdens, he gently escorted me to the cell. Before locking the door on me, he turned and said “If you need anything, let me know. It is my privilege to serve you.”

That night I wrote till morning about the day of the trial. It was a day like a rollercoaster and I wanted nothing is missing on that important day of my life. So it took hours to write the details of all moments. Towards the morning, I fell in sleep on my diary, right before I wrote the final verdict of the court. However, the real shock came in the morning.

After a few hours of sleep, I woke up with a bang on the door. There was no enough time to stand up properly, yet there was any time to hide the diary. Three policemice stormed in and held my front legs, dragged me towards the wall as if they wanted to crucify me at that point. Then the great leader entered the cell. I have not seen him for long time and he looked very different to me. He was a smaller, chubbier and even older than I thought. While I was expecting him to say something, he looked at me, opened his mouth but said nothing. He checked the things around and suddenly saw my diary. After reading a few random pages, he gave it to the guard behind him. This was the same guard who let me have my diary last night. His face seemed as distant as the moon in a partly cloudy night. His eyes were full of fear. Perhaps, he was scared of prosecution. Perhaps, he too had a wife and kids, possibly worrying about them. After seeing him in that situation, I bowed my head down in an apologizing manner. This was also made sure of the minimum communication between us during the presence of our enemies. They stayed silent, I stayed silent. No one said a word.

Before leaving the cell, the great leader said “Send him away as soon as possible. Every single day he spends in this cell is additional harm to the society.” Then he looked at me once more and with a voice he was sure I could hear, he whispered one of the policemice, “After you send him away, put that guard in this cell. At least he can be happy to rot in the same place once his master lived” At that moment, I realized that there was an ongoing silent war against the great leader and he was so threatened by death. He was so cautious about me and this is why he came by himself to make sure that no Snowist enters my cell. He was afraid of losing. This means we already started winning...

Once they left the cell and locked the door on me, I had nothing to do. My dear diary has gone. I could not even write the court decision. I was upset, or more than upset. I was extremely frustrated. I walked up and down in the cell. To make my prison experience more painful, they have put a window which sees the trees and the sky. I looked out all day and waited for some news from other comrades. But no one came! In fact, other than the blowing wind near the window and purring of my own breath, I heard nothing all day.

I must confess that the idea of committing suicide came across my mind a few times but I easily swirled it once I think of the prospective revolution. Yes, I would be sent to a place where I cannot celebrate the coming new age, where I cannot spread the words of justice for all. However, I needed to live even if it is to upset the great leader; even it is to support my followers morally. Perhaps, those who call themselves Snowists will make remarkable changes in the history of mice one day without me physically supporting them.

I slept for a few hours in the afternoon and when I woke up still there was nothing to do. I sat at the corner and did nothing. No, I was not chained to a wall but being in a prison tires one’s mind. Imagine a caged bird with nice, long wings. What is the point of having wings if you are kept in a cage? Those wings can only cause pain. My legs were free, as free as the walls permit. So I rejected all the tempting offers from my brain and sat there, did nothing.

At midnight, I heard some whispers behind the door but first I thought this was an ordinary patrolling of the corridors. A few minutes later, the door opened and two guards entered the room. They greeted me and said “Comrade Snow, we are here to take you to a safe place where the great leader cannot find you, cannot control your words.” I was surprised but not as surprised as the last night. They must be Snowist too. With a bit of confusion, I said “Where? Is there any safe place on this earth where his secret agents do not go and assassinate those who are against him?” One of the guards whispered, “Don’t worry, sir! We know what we are doing. You must be certain that we are not alone.” I looked at their faces one more time, asked myself why I should trust them and finally decided to join them as the other option would have been to stay in the cell and wait for the deportation.

We have passed some dark tunnels, entered some wet and smelly channels and walked for almost one day. I knew we were no more in the school area but I felt we were not too far either. Tired, hungry and thirsty; we ended up at a place where suddenly I saw the sunlight and green meadows. It was a kind of hill and down the hill there was a building with a nice big garden. I asked the two comrades “What is this place?” They smiled cleverly and said “This is your new home, sir! This is where you will write your new books and make the thousands who follow you intellectually satisfied till the day you can return to the building 1 and retrieve your victory.” This answer was not really what I wanted but I did not want to spoil that happy moment of the two young comrades.

While looking at the building, we saw a few hundreds of mice coming towards us. The guard on my left said “Here, the young Snowists. They are coming to greet you.” The one on my right laughed loudly and said “Ohh, I miss home. Let’s run... Come on, who will reach the building first?” Then they started running in front of me. Seeing them as two young mice running on the beautiful grass, resembling strength and youth, I could not stop myself. I too started running. However, my legs were not as strong as theirs. With the speed I gained through the downhill, I felt like my back legs were ahead of my front legs. I was going down way too fast and lost my control. Suddenly I wanted to give up but it was too late. Instead of running like a cheetah that all mice dreamed of, I tumbled and started rolling on the fresh smelling grass. I was revolving like a ball.

At the end, I was free and content. “Let my body roll till the end.” I said to myself leaving all my worries behind. I was with the ones who respect my ideas and will listen to me till the justice and truth conquer the world of mice. I was with the right comrades. Once the hill was over, I slowed down, stopped, stood up and clean myself quickly before the crowd sees me as a naughty leader.

When I arrived to the crowd who was waiting to greet me, a little girl mouse approached me first and gave me a daisy. Then with a very pretty voice she said, “Welcome to your new home, Comrade Snowball!”

Ali Rıza Arıcan, 7 May – 16 May 2011

· The last parapgraph of words that Snow says in the court are adapted from the writings of Marx and Engels, in the aftermath of the 1848 revolution. Source: http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1847/communist-league/1850-ad1.htm