Letters from Vietnam 40

23^rd October 2006 – 22:20 – HCMC

I have to write now! Although I am feeling a little bit tired now and I have a class early tomorrow morning, I have to write. It is an urgency to express my gratitude or confused mind.

I went to the Bayram Party of little Turkish community tonight if the word “party” could be good enough to describe the event. It was like a wedding party with lots of colourful balloons and children chasing them in an indefinite cat-mouse game. It was to commemorate the Bayram all together with happiness and joy. The main purpose is of course to remember that we are one and we will always be one. The unity messages are always followed by applauds and whistles. The good words and good wishes were everywhere. Everyone bought presents for everyone and I was the one of the few people who did not buy a present. This made me feel troubled a little bit. As a person who is not very social, I always feel like I am not good when it comes to make people around me happy. However, this time I had an excuse. I did not imagine that the party would be this kind. Funny thing was I was the one of the few outsiders in the party because I cannot be easily categorized. I felt the strange inferiority of the state of “not being able to be categorized”. There were students, there were teachers, there were businessmen, there were children, there were locals, there were foreigners and there were waiters. Actually I was one of the many teachers in the party if the profession is concerned but definitely I was different. The best definition for myself would be “a guest” and thanks to the anchors who spoke on the stage I really felt like a true “guest”. They were all friendly people and sometimes I could not stop myself laughing at the words or the gestures. Some of them reminded me my old days, some made me laugh simply because they were funny. It was one of the best experiences I have ever had in Vietnam. I left the party with a growing faith inside me. A faith to happiness and joy of life… A faith which is dedicated to the human’s uniqueness filled my heart as if I was the unclaimed baggage which is found on the luggage band after thousands of rotations. Before leaving the party, I was greeted by a lady whose name was A (I guess it was beginning with A but I am still not sure). She was the spouse of one of the top administrators in HCMC. She surprisingly shook my hand and said one more “good bye”. I thought about this gesture and tried to catch the change in the movement. This party was quite different from how it must have been! Or my mind is still old fashioned and things change in the Turkish community very quickly. I would not mind to exchange a few words with a lady from the community but shaking hands was something unusual –or I suspect so-. I went downstairs with a little bit bewilderment but soon I forgot everything… I was happy somehow with the feeling of “home”. These people invited me to their parties and made me feel like I am having a bayram at home. I did not know how to thank them so I guess my silence could be explained by the embarrassment of a beggar when he has been given a gold necklace. I will definitely see them again in near future with a few gifts in my hands. At the end, I owe them this extraordinary feeling of joy for tonight.

I left home around 5 pm. I took the 102 bus and arrived to Ben Than in 30 minutes. Then I walked up Le Loi road. I walked up to the Rex hotel and realized that I was on the wrong road. While I pass the street, I saw this little guy with green uniform. I guess he is one of the tourist polices. I am still not sure whether I should call him police or not but he somehow looks like a policeman. His main job was to cross the street with the pedestrians. He just stands and waits for tourist to pile up at one side of the street. When he I ready, he gives them a sign and starts to walk with them. He crosses the street probably twice every minute. I thought about this little guy and his job. It can not be considered as a dangerous or a lucrative job. It is as simple as walking. Then the easier his job is the less he will get paid. I stood at one side of the road and watched him for a while. He was a serious guy and doing his job properly. It is all about caring about others. I thought about him as if he is one of the most important figures in the city. If he disappears now, nobody would notice his absence except for his supervisor. His job requires almost no skills. However, there was something attractive about his job. He was outside all day and observing all kinds of people. He helps drunken tourists to cross the road. He helps young children, pregnant women, businessmen, old ladies, government officials, students, young lovers, flower sellers, beggars, teachers etc… He observes them all. He must feel that the city needs him. His assistance is not something unnecessary.

While standing there, I decided to make the imagination longer and went through it. This guy’s grandfather had worked on Mekong river as a sailor. He was doing almost the same job with his tiny boat. The grandfather was taking passengers from one side of the river to the other side of the river. He listened to all sorts of the stories about his grandfather from his own father. In one of the story, grandfather tells how one can listen to the advice of river for a better living. Grandfather believed in the river as if the river is life itself. All the stories he narrated came from the heart of the river which flows through the purely refined human experiences. River speaks, river cries, river gets angry, river feels joyous, river keeps silent and even river sings… The summary of life can be found the infinite length of its current.

But one day, the grandfather did not listen to the river. It was a windy day. The current was strong. A few people came to spread the ashes of their loved one to the river. The grandfather asked to the river. The river told him that death is not the only thing these people are afraid of. They are more afraid of the people who might knock their doors in the night. Grandfather knew that only those who are not honest to themselves are scared of uninvited guests of darkness. Instead of rejecting them, he took them to the middle of the river. Nobody knew what he wanted to do. He might have felt the threatening look in the eyes.

They arrived to the middle of the river. Then the current became stronger, the wind blew harder… The boat capsized and all the people on the board have been killed by the current.

His father did not pursue the same job because there was no enough money in it. He basically started a small business but failed. Before his father died, he told him how grandfather died in the river and how important to listen to the river if one wants to survive. Then this little guy took this job to achieve his father’s wish…

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It could be a story If I work on it but I am lazy to start a new story now. There are many incomplete ones and I should work on them before starting a new one.

I am tired again… Time to sleep… I hope I can write better things in coming days…