13th November 2006 – HCMC – 07:37
I want to be deaf sometimes. Over the last seven years in South East Asia, I developed a kind of sensitivity for noise and it seems like the process can not be reversed. I became over-sensitive to all kind of sounds, which can easily be considered as superfluous. The beeps of motorcycles, honks of trucks, loudly speaking people, ringing phones, smashing doors, buzzing machines etc are all driving me crazy these days… I react to these noises mostly silently but sometimes I become wild and lose my control. I told my students that if they come to my class late, it is no problem unless they do not smash the door behind and close it neatly by their own hands. I also sent an e-mail to all lecturers in my office to apply the same process when they enter or leave the office. The grumbling of smashing door like a thunder takes my mind away from me and I feel as if I am at the edge of being insane for a short time. Noise itself is a sign of insanity! I remember how B closed the windows and doors of his bedroom to protect himself from overwhelming noises coming constantly from the street. He also put some black boards on his windows to keep the sunlight out of his room in the mornings.
My oversensitivity for the noise did not develop within one day. I think the growing stress and loneliness inside me helped this thing to get bigger and made it an enormous problem for me over the last seven years. Yesterday I shouted to J just because she was dragging the fan on the floor while I was reading. I knew that I was not supposed to shout her because of this but I could not stop myself. The constant sound coming from the objects in the room also makes my nerves out of the border of sanity. When I have noise coming from outside I feel as if I am so helpless in struggling with big waves of the ocean. They come and smash me on my head, roll my body towards any direction possible and the only thing I can do is to curse.
In Vietnam, this oversensitivity reached to its peak point. I can’t imagine somewhere else people make more noise than they do here. Going to the city and getting exposed to the all sorts of noises make me dizzy and I feel nausea as if I am going to throw up all the noises I have just swallowed. Last week I have been to the city twice for my health certificate. I needed it for the work permit process and the HR lady gave me an address of a hospital where there are English-speaking doctors/nurses. First day I went to the hospital and returned to the school around 11 am. I was so exhausted with the noise and fumes from the vehicles that as soon as I got to the school I had lunch. The same thing happened when I went to collect my health certificate too. Again I returned to school a few hours before lunch time but could not wait for 12 am for that. I ate as if I had some kind of feeble body which needs careful protection from noise and fumes.
However there are still some kinds of noises which do not really trouble me. For example, a crying baby in a public bus makes me feel good –not because baby cries desperately but I guess I feel some joy of life in this sound-. I also do not bother seeing students talking loudly around me and making jokes. I take these noises as part of my life or basically part of the whole life. I wonder the day when my own voice starts to be a noise for me. Then I need to be deaf and mute at the same time.
I also wonder why people live in HCMC? What makes them to live here? I can understand the locals who are continuing a life of their parents so for them there is not much choice but what about the foreigners? When I ask friends at school, they usually say the same thing: You will get used to it. But there is nothing special to getting used to the noise. I don’t want to get used to it because it will kill my senses slowly without giving me anything special. There are many foreigners living in this city for long time without having any problem with noise and dirt. People seem as if this is a heaven for easy and inexpensive living. I can admit the word “inexpensive” to some extent but the word “easy” would be an exaggeration for this city. Life here seems like life in a caravan for years. You have to move and make noise to get rid of the trouble in your ears. It may not sound a good idea but it seems to work perfect when it comes to the word “adapt”. Darwin states three rules for evolution: Migrate, Die or Adapt. If you can make your own noise, you will be protected by all other noises coming from outside. I think this is how people live here. Whenever I go to the city the first thing strikes to my attention is the constantly honking motorcycles and cars. Then it is also not difficult to notice people beside the road listening music very loudly. This explains the whole situation. If you don’t want to get troubled by the external noises, then make your own. It is like a mother who does not tolerate the cries of somebody else’s baby but when it comes to her own baby, she becomes a heroine to answer the needs of the baby.
The city lives and grows with noise. There is no way to stop it and there is no point in complaining about it. If I don’t want noise around me, I should not live in the city. People in the city adapt themselves for all kinds of intrusions –mental or physical-. But people like me are less adaptive to new situations. I need a few things with me wherever I go. A few books, a computer to write, a mug to drink coffee/tea and of course my beloved wife are the four indispensable for me. Anything more than these needs to be careful investigation before interrupting my silence. At the end, I believe the silence is the best music human mind can create. The rest is noise!
I want to be deaf sometimes. Over the last seven years in South East Asia, I developed a kind of sensitivity for noise and it seems like the process can not be reversed. I became over-sensitive to all kind of sounds, which can easily be considered as superfluous. The beeps of motorcycles, honks of trucks, loudly speaking people, ringing phones, smashing doors, buzzing machines etc are all driving me crazy these days… I react to these noises mostly silently but sometimes I become wild and lose my control. I told my students that if they come to my class late, it is no problem unless they do not smash the door behind and close it neatly by their own hands. I also sent an e-mail to all lecturers in my office to apply the same process when they enter or leave the office. The grumbling of smashing door like a thunder takes my mind away from me and I feel as if I am at the edge of being insane for a short time. Noise itself is a sign of insanity! I remember how B closed the windows and doors of his bedroom to protect himself from overwhelming noises coming constantly from the street. He also put some black boards on his windows to keep the sunlight out of his room in the mornings.
My oversensitivity for the noise did not develop within one day. I think the growing stress and loneliness inside me helped this thing to get bigger and made it an enormous problem for me over the last seven years. Yesterday I shouted to J just because she was dragging the fan on the floor while I was reading. I knew that I was not supposed to shout her because of this but I could not stop myself. The constant sound coming from the objects in the room also makes my nerves out of the border of sanity. When I have noise coming from outside I feel as if I am so helpless in struggling with big waves of the ocean. They come and smash me on my head, roll my body towards any direction possible and the only thing I can do is to curse.
In Vietnam, this oversensitivity reached to its peak point. I can’t imagine somewhere else people make more noise than they do here. Going to the city and getting exposed to the all sorts of noises make me dizzy and I feel nausea as if I am going to throw up all the noises I have just swallowed. Last week I have been to the city twice for my health certificate. I needed it for the work permit process and the HR lady gave me an address of a hospital where there are English-speaking doctors/nurses. First day I went to the hospital and returned to the school around 11 am. I was so exhausted with the noise and fumes from the vehicles that as soon as I got to the school I had lunch. The same thing happened when I went to collect my health certificate too. Again I returned to school a few hours before lunch time but could not wait for 12 am for that. I ate as if I had some kind of feeble body which needs careful protection from noise and fumes.
However there are still some kinds of noises which do not really trouble me. For example, a crying baby in a public bus makes me feel good –not because baby cries desperately but I guess I feel some joy of life in this sound-. I also do not bother seeing students talking loudly around me and making jokes. I take these noises as part of my life or basically part of the whole life. I wonder the day when my own voice starts to be a noise for me. Then I need to be deaf and mute at the same time.
I also wonder why people live in HCMC? What makes them to live here? I can understand the locals who are continuing a life of their parents so for them there is not much choice but what about the foreigners? When I ask friends at school, they usually say the same thing: You will get used to it. But there is nothing special to getting used to the noise. I don’t want to get used to it because it will kill my senses slowly without giving me anything special. There are many foreigners living in this city for long time without having any problem with noise and dirt. People seem as if this is a heaven for easy and inexpensive living. I can admit the word “inexpensive” to some extent but the word “easy” would be an exaggeration for this city. Life here seems like life in a caravan for years. You have to move and make noise to get rid of the trouble in your ears. It may not sound a good idea but it seems to work perfect when it comes to the word “adapt”. Darwin states three rules for evolution: Migrate, Die or Adapt. If you can make your own noise, you will be protected by all other noises coming from outside. I think this is how people live here. Whenever I go to the city the first thing strikes to my attention is the constantly honking motorcycles and cars. Then it is also not difficult to notice people beside the road listening music very loudly. This explains the whole situation. If you don’t want to get troubled by the external noises, then make your own. It is like a mother who does not tolerate the cries of somebody else’s baby but when it comes to her own baby, she becomes a heroine to answer the needs of the baby.
The city lives and grows with noise. There is no way to stop it and there is no point in complaining about it. If I don’t want noise around me, I should not live in the city. People in the city adapt themselves for all kinds of intrusions –mental or physical-. But people like me are less adaptive to new situations. I need a few things with me wherever I go. A few books, a computer to write, a mug to drink coffee/tea and of course my beloved wife are the four indispensable for me. Anything more than these needs to be careful investigation before interrupting my silence. At the end, I believe the silence is the best music human mind can create. The rest is noise!
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