12th November 2006 - HCMC
Last week I went to the dance club to see if I can learn dancing. As soon as I arrived at the club room, I have been greeted by a few students who are enrolled in my classes. It was good to see some familiar faces at the first time since this way my embarrassment could have chance to turn into fun. When dance teachers came, my nightmare started. Almost everyone in the room was able to do the steps without much problem. A girl from Statistics class tried to help me by showing the steps beside me and repeating the same thing probably tens of times. It seemed easy but soon later I realized that it is as hard as playing an instrument. As a person who learns everything by mental studies –not by observing and imitating-, it was too hard to teach my body how to move after a certain step. She tried very long time to make me feel comfortable at my first day and I tried to be very patient not to leave the room. However, I could not learn a single sequence of steps for the entire session. I left with the feeling that there are certain things in this life I should not try at all. My self-confidence helps me only in certain positions. I am definitely very stable in a Math class and feel well after writing a beautiful paragraph. Playing an instrument, singing and dancing are three of the many things I will never be able to achieve. Of course if I try harder, it will not be a problem but the question is deadly at this point: Do I really want to dance? The answer is definitely “no”. Watching the South American girls dancing on the streets makes everyone envious but this ambition only is not enough to make one a good dancer. After the first lesson I easily gave up dancing classes with a great frustration since I knew that I would not be able to allocate sufficient time or energy for dancing. It requires constant attention, regular exercises and great determination which I do not have for dancing at all. The good thing is, as Nietzsche says, “that which does not kill me makes me stronger”, I learnt one more thing about myself without losing much time and energy. Now I can only enjoy watching dancing couples and appreciate their skills. There is no question of all human accomplishments are results of self-determination and hard-work. When I multiply big numbers in my head or take their squared-roots without using calculator, my students usually ask me how I am doing this very quickly. I told them several times that there is nothing special about this because one can do the things he/she loves. If you love dancing, you can dance very well and make people feel jealous. If you love numbers, then you can play with them as if a magician plays with poker cards. And of course, if you love words, then you can write beautiful poems and amazing stories to be remembered for centuries.
Last week there was another important incident, which happened in virtual world. I am member of Turkey-Thailand group which aims to provide communication among Turkish people who either currently live in Thailand or used to live in Thailand before. Last week, a guy wrote a complaint about his disappointing experience in Embassy of Turkey. His complaint was about the behaviour of the secretary at the front desk and her prompt reaction towards him when he rejected to supply another document for the visa application of a Thai friend. His behaviour towards the secretary of a state institution was not acceptable and seemed unbalanced. However he wrote his complaint to the group and I believe, although he was wrong he deserved a response from the authorized people who are also members –even moderators- of the group. But instead of answering his complaint and telling him where he made a mistake, the moderators ceased his membership and fired him out. He wrote to me next day about the situation. I felt sorry for him but I was also angry for the action taken by the moderators. The group itself is not a state institution; neither exists to protect the state’s rights. If he said something wrong, then whoever has right to answer his comments, has to do it in a way people do in modern times. To ban him from the group and sending him off the group as if a football player is sent off with a red card for his brutal actions is very undemocratic and very primitive in terms of management. The difference in the analogy is obvious. Unlike the well-defined rules of football, our group did not have any rules before this incident. The group was serving for the people and it needs to embrace all diversity in the population regardless of whether the population is small or not. I wrote a condemnation letter to the group mentioning that banning is the action of the managers who are either powerless or not be able to moderate the diverse situations. I got several answers, which were condemning my condemnation. I did not withdraw my letter. Soon later, one of the moderators of the group stated the rules of the group for the future references. Then people turned to write about daily things again. What I understood from this experience is very simple: As Turkish people we all appreciate freedom for ourselves. When it comes to the freedom of others, our love for ourselves passes over all other social responsibilities. We are very weak when it comes to support others’ freedom or search for rights. Another lesson I learnt was about Turkish state institution’s impatience to the criticism. I admit that the guy at the beginning made a great mistake when he wrote the things to the group before he talks with Embassy officials but still this does not justify the action of the moderators. When he called the Embassy for the action against him and told them that “this is against democracy and human rights!!!”, the official at the other end of the telephone line told him this historical sentence: “Who told you there is democracy in the group?”. Those who believe in different democracies for different individuals or using it only for their own benefits are called either fascist or dictator.
I started to write a short story narrating this incident and combining it with my never-ending authentication procedure. I only wrote a page but it already went in a Kafkaesque road in the first page. I will try to get rid of the pessimism of “The Castle” and have some humours to make it a sarcastic criticism.
Last week I went to the dance club to see if I can learn dancing. As soon as I arrived at the club room, I have been greeted by a few students who are enrolled in my classes. It was good to see some familiar faces at the first time since this way my embarrassment could have chance to turn into fun. When dance teachers came, my nightmare started. Almost everyone in the room was able to do the steps without much problem. A girl from Statistics class tried to help me by showing the steps beside me and repeating the same thing probably tens of times. It seemed easy but soon later I realized that it is as hard as playing an instrument. As a person who learns everything by mental studies –not by observing and imitating-, it was too hard to teach my body how to move after a certain step. She tried very long time to make me feel comfortable at my first day and I tried to be very patient not to leave the room. However, I could not learn a single sequence of steps for the entire session. I left with the feeling that there are certain things in this life I should not try at all. My self-confidence helps me only in certain positions. I am definitely very stable in a Math class and feel well after writing a beautiful paragraph. Playing an instrument, singing and dancing are three of the many things I will never be able to achieve. Of course if I try harder, it will not be a problem but the question is deadly at this point: Do I really want to dance? The answer is definitely “no”. Watching the South American girls dancing on the streets makes everyone envious but this ambition only is not enough to make one a good dancer. After the first lesson I easily gave up dancing classes with a great frustration since I knew that I would not be able to allocate sufficient time or energy for dancing. It requires constant attention, regular exercises and great determination which I do not have for dancing at all. The good thing is, as Nietzsche says, “that which does not kill me makes me stronger”, I learnt one more thing about myself without losing much time and energy. Now I can only enjoy watching dancing couples and appreciate their skills. There is no question of all human accomplishments are results of self-determination and hard-work. When I multiply big numbers in my head or take their squared-roots without using calculator, my students usually ask me how I am doing this very quickly. I told them several times that there is nothing special about this because one can do the things he/she loves. If you love dancing, you can dance very well and make people feel jealous. If you love numbers, then you can play with them as if a magician plays with poker cards. And of course, if you love words, then you can write beautiful poems and amazing stories to be remembered for centuries.
Last week there was another important incident, which happened in virtual world. I am member of Turkey-Thailand group which aims to provide communication among Turkish people who either currently live in Thailand or used to live in Thailand before. Last week, a guy wrote a complaint about his disappointing experience in Embassy of Turkey. His complaint was about the behaviour of the secretary at the front desk and her prompt reaction towards him when he rejected to supply another document for the visa application of a Thai friend. His behaviour towards the secretary of a state institution was not acceptable and seemed unbalanced. However he wrote his complaint to the group and I believe, although he was wrong he deserved a response from the authorized people who are also members –even moderators- of the group. But instead of answering his complaint and telling him where he made a mistake, the moderators ceased his membership and fired him out. He wrote to me next day about the situation. I felt sorry for him but I was also angry for the action taken by the moderators. The group itself is not a state institution; neither exists to protect the state’s rights. If he said something wrong, then whoever has right to answer his comments, has to do it in a way people do in modern times. To ban him from the group and sending him off the group as if a football player is sent off with a red card for his brutal actions is very undemocratic and very primitive in terms of management. The difference in the analogy is obvious. Unlike the well-defined rules of football, our group did not have any rules before this incident. The group was serving for the people and it needs to embrace all diversity in the population regardless of whether the population is small or not. I wrote a condemnation letter to the group mentioning that banning is the action of the managers who are either powerless or not be able to moderate the diverse situations. I got several answers, which were condemning my condemnation. I did not withdraw my letter. Soon later, one of the moderators of the group stated the rules of the group for the future references. Then people turned to write about daily things again. What I understood from this experience is very simple: As Turkish people we all appreciate freedom for ourselves. When it comes to the freedom of others, our love for ourselves passes over all other social responsibilities. We are very weak when it comes to support others’ freedom or search for rights. Another lesson I learnt was about Turkish state institution’s impatience to the criticism. I admit that the guy at the beginning made a great mistake when he wrote the things to the group before he talks with Embassy officials but still this does not justify the action of the moderators. When he called the Embassy for the action against him and told them that “this is against democracy and human rights!!!”, the official at the other end of the telephone line told him this historical sentence: “Who told you there is democracy in the group?”. Those who believe in different democracies for different individuals or using it only for their own benefits are called either fascist or dictator.
I started to write a short story narrating this incident and combining it with my never-ending authentication procedure. I only wrote a page but it already went in a Kafkaesque road in the first page. I will try to get rid of the pessimism of “The Castle” and have some humours to make it a sarcastic criticism.
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder