Letters from Thailand - 1

21^st June: Leaving Vietnam and Arriving Thailand

I wake up before the alarm of my watch rings. There is a sweet twilight outside, looking at me like suspended hopes in the air. I go to the balcony, watch the trees and the sky. The darkness of the sky is slowly turning into a dirty blue, like an old piece of cloth hanging on a kitchen cupboard. The air is fresh, almost like a jar of water brought from a nearby river, crashing my face. The trees are motionless, the buildings are silent, the naughty dogs of the Huong Vuong 2 are perhaps still sleeping.

I go to kitchen and make a cup of green tea and then get back to the balcony. Drinking hot tea and eating the leftover butter naan pieces from last night, I keep thinking of my last six years in Vietnam, the sad memories like sharp edge of a knife never stop hurting the wounds no matter how much time passes over them. Every touch leaves a scar and no scar disappears completely. Besides the sad ones, the good memories are seldom remembered. They are kept only on photos, on facebook pages, on small pieces of papers forgotten inside old books, on movie tickets, on invitation cards… Because the good ones can be found when we look for them, we hardly remember them. Sad ones have no physical place to hide so they hide only in our brain faculties, only to pop up at the most unexpected moments.  Good and bad, colors pour into my mind now while I was sipping my tea and feeling uneasy due to the very spicy “chicken vindaloo” I ate previous night.

I step in the living room again, preparing to leave. Throwing some of the clothes I will not take with me, tidying up the bed, making sure all necessary documents for the travel is with me. My luggage is quite heavy despite the fact that the limit is 40 kg. I am carrying 62 kg with me. This basically means that I will definitely pay for excess luggage but I don’t feel so bad about it. I lived in Vietnam for 6 years and having some excess luggage seems very logical to me. Excess luggage is the proof of excess life or the opposite. If I carry more than I have to, this might mean I don’t know how to dispose things which are no more important to me. However, most of the weight in the luggage comes from the gifts I bought for my family members in Turkey and some math books that I will need for my 8^th (last) actuarial exam in October. I already sent 100 kg books to Thailand a few months ago so I don’t have any book to read with me except for my kindle.

I take my four bags and go downstairs. One taxi driver helps me to load things into the car and we go to the airport. The roads are crowded like in any morning of the week day. People go to work, children go to school, some have breakfast on the pavements, some wait for the bus, some exercise while breathing the fume to their lungs. City already woke up and moving fast to reach its equilibrium point before it gets too hot. I watch the people one more time, remembering my first day in Vietnam. I was shocked by the number of motorbikes and the noise coming from the honks. Now when I look at the same roads, I feel like this is what it is supposed to be as if Vietnam cannot be any different from what I see. I think adapting to culture has a lot to do with conformism. However, creative people (writers, painters, musicians etc) are supposed to be non-conformist all the time. Once you start saying “never mind” to the unfairness and suffering around you, you are no more an artist. 

When I pay to the taxi driver, I realize how thin my wallet became in recent days. I threw my ATM cards, I canceled my credit card, I returned my insurance and employee cards, gave the motorbike registration card to its new owner and I no more carry Vietnamese Dong. I only have a few hundred dollars in the wallet and they don’t take much space. The thinning of wallet has also a positive correlation with the number of keys in my key ring. The more I get close to end, the less key I carry. Motorbike key, the key to the drawer in the office, the keys to several locks are all gone. And when I shut the house door last time, I left the key on the table so right now I am carrying no key at all. In my mind, keys resemble two things: status and wealth. The more keys you have the more doors you can open. However, like in many things, there is a limit (think of a utility function). If you are carrying more than a certain number of keys in your pocket, then it might mean you are paranoia, not trusting anyone, always feeling unsafe. Keys and locks always fascinate me. History of locks can be read as history of human minds trying to accumulate wealth and then trying to protect that wealth. The evolution of locks throughout history can be seen as a good example of dialectic struggle between the locksmiths and the skilled thieves. 

Once I enter the airport I see a long queue in front of one counter. Without thinking much, I got in the queue and start waiting. The couple in front of me seems a bit uneasy. They want to move to the other two empty counters so that they will wait less. However, none of the counters has an officer working so none of us knows that which counter will start functioning first. In these kinds of situations, I like to wait where I am and never show greed for “being quickest” because I know that there is no point in gaining a few minutes by having the stress of struggle. No matter where others go, I stay where I am. This might sound a bit “believing in fate” but it has nothing to do with that. I believe that humans are on this earth to collaborate, not to compete. Competition in many cases is wasting time and energy while collaboration makes things possible. At the end, ironically I finish before that couple. Because after they leave the queue, many others also leave. Then suddenly I became the first to be served. I think this was a good exercise of calmness for me before I arrive to the village where everyone and everything move slowly, patiently and sometimes painfully calmly. 

Once I arrive to Bangkok airport, I first arrange my ticket to Khon Kaen and check in for KK flight in the afternoon. After getting rid of the luggage, I first buy a sim card for Thailand. Then I go to the food court to have some Thai food. It is very crowded. I guess it is the lunch time for most people so not only passengers, also the airport personnel are also there. I take a small bowl of tom yam bla with noodles, one bowl of Thai dessert (ruby + sapparot + pumpkin with ice and naam kattiyem). Then I go to have a small cup of cappuccino to get rid of the sleepiness in my head. The coffee makes me wake up a bit but still not very successful. I go to the domestic departures, without wasting any time I go to the gate which will take me to KK. I sit there and rest my eyes till the flight attendants make announcement for the passengers waiting.

Next: Reading Bangkok Post in the airplane, article of Sanitsuda Ekachai on FG movement, arriving Isan, meeting J, shopping for the party and then driving back to village, an accident on the road, slowness of Internet, pictures from history: floppy disks, fat computer screens etc… Tok Jai’s ceremonial welcome, eating Isan food and getting some rest.