6th January 2006
Today, two female students came to me when I enter the building from the cafeteria door. Two girls asked me if they should go to their class because there is nobody else in the room except for the lecturer. First I did not get their point because it seemed to me there is nothing to worry about if the lecturer is in the room. When they repeated the question, I felt the anxiety in their voice. These two girls were afraid of being in the classroom with their teacher! I said “Don’t be ridiculous! Go to your class!” They looked at me one more time as if I am sending them to someone who is untrustable. It was one of the most stupid things I have ever seen in my life. I know their lecturer and he is one of the finest human beings on this earth. He is honest, hard-worker and a very polite person. Nothing was wrong with him. In fact there was definitely something wrong about these two girls. Both of them are very intelligent and very diligent students. But they seem they do not like their teacher either because of his skin color or his technique of teaching. Second one is not an option since they have been to his class for almost one semester and it is not time to complain. Besides this, their midterm grades show that he is a great teacher with good teaching skills. Otherwise, we would have expected some failures. This brings the first option as the real problem. Are these students afraid of being in a classroom with an African-American teacher? If this was not the real concern, then what else can be? What can my friend do to them during the school time, in a classroom where the windows in the both sides of the room leave no privacy for the teacher while he is teaching? And besides all, why would he want to harm his students? I was bewildered but still firm against their wish. I told them go to their class and listen their teacher until the end of the session. I also told them that I am watching both of you until you enter the room. And I did it! In a university environment, it is an unusual thing to do but I did! They even looked back a few times to check whether I was still keeping my eyes on them. When they were sure that I was not going to move away until they entered the room, they reluctantly went to the class. I did this for the sake of my friend who was waiting in the classroom with no student inside. I also did this because the excuse created by these two girls was beyond the boundaries of reason.
Yesterday evening I met with M. Bey from Cambodia. He is one of my friends from the same university. I don’t really remember if we took any course together but we met by means of A. who now works in Australia. He came to Vietnam just to travel together with some other Turkish national teachers. They were all at the dinner with B. Bey. I met two of them together. We sat in front of the Natalia Restaurant and had a long conversation about past and present. Later on the conversation directed towards my stories because B. Bey read some of them. He said “it is our story” when he mentioned “The Divine Joke”. The same reaction I have encountered long ago from another friend in the religious community. In fact, I said to both of them, even though there were years between them, story talks in its voice. I am not supposed to say what it means. I accept that there is no way to separate a story from its writer’s private life. However, this does not allow reader to investigate writer’s inner world rather than enjoying the story only. A story speaks in its own voice and a reader must listen to it. As a very well-known example, after the discovery of psychoanalysis, many literary critics tried to deconstruct and reconstruct great Western novels like Dostoyevsky’s “Crime and Punishment”. What they have found is the sufferings of the writer during his exile in Siberia and his gambling habit. None of these findings helped the reader to understand the story better. Because these methods were created to read the writer and writer’s “writing process”, but not to understand the story for the sake of the story. I usually enjoy reading a novel just because it is written. The private life of the writer can be part of my attention if I like the book. Then I read the biography of the writer.
We talked there for more than one our about the stories, publishing books, writing and the changing religious communities. B. Bey said the community now needs more open-minded people than narrow-minded people. Because the world is too big and they are in need of people who can think wide. However, there is always a limit for the width of this image. How wide is acceptable? Can religious community embrace an agnostic, a social drinker? A free thinker, a writer who might complain about everything he sees wrong? I don’t think so! He himself said that he can not hug an atheist. I don’t blame him for this. This is his choice and I respect that. There is one thing I have learnt in last 6 years is the importance of my freedom. I read what I want to read and I write what I want to write. I also think I want to think, change my mind whenever I feel my old ideas should be thrown away for the new ones to replace. I learnt that nothing is permanent and nothing should be considered as the truth except for there are truths as many as human minds on this earth. Another thing I have learnt after I come to Asia is not to ask someone’s religion/belief. I randomly ask friends their religions just to know them better. Other than this I don’t care who believes what as long as they do not harm each other and they do something for the sake of society. I also believe that someone can be ethically good without the help of religion. It is possible to create a collection of ethical codes which are independent from all religious dogmas and only depends on scientific reasoning and logical excellency.
Beside my distance from the community, they are always warm-hearted towards me. In Thailand and in Vietnam, I always enjoyed their tolerant atmosphere. Since I know this tolerant atmosphere is only for those who are out of the circle, I never wanted to go back and probably will never go back. However, I should always be thankful to the friends from the community for being generous all the time.
I am perhaps one of the few people in this world who can not say what he/she thinks exactly but more inclined to keep the peaceful conversation for the sake of friendship. It is actually more visible in my novel character because I have created a character who regrets two minutes after he says things actually he never wanted to say. Basically, he is opposite of me! I do this thing a lot in my real life. I write harshly but never speak… One of the reasons for this might be my dullness in speaking. I speak quickly and mostly people don’t understand what exactly I am saying. Additionally, speaking is not a good way to discuss serious things because there is no enough time to think. I would rather writing because once I read some opinions, I can digest them first and I can write whenever I feel ready to produce something.
Today, two female students came to me when I enter the building from the cafeteria door. Two girls asked me if they should go to their class because there is nobody else in the room except for the lecturer. First I did not get their point because it seemed to me there is nothing to worry about if the lecturer is in the room. When they repeated the question, I felt the anxiety in their voice. These two girls were afraid of being in the classroom with their teacher! I said “Don’t be ridiculous! Go to your class!” They looked at me one more time as if I am sending them to someone who is untrustable. It was one of the most stupid things I have ever seen in my life. I know their lecturer and he is one of the finest human beings on this earth. He is honest, hard-worker and a very polite person. Nothing was wrong with him. In fact there was definitely something wrong about these two girls. Both of them are very intelligent and very diligent students. But they seem they do not like their teacher either because of his skin color or his technique of teaching. Second one is not an option since they have been to his class for almost one semester and it is not time to complain. Besides this, their midterm grades show that he is a great teacher with good teaching skills. Otherwise, we would have expected some failures. This brings the first option as the real problem. Are these students afraid of being in a classroom with an African-American teacher? If this was not the real concern, then what else can be? What can my friend do to them during the school time, in a classroom where the windows in the both sides of the room leave no privacy for the teacher while he is teaching? And besides all, why would he want to harm his students? I was bewildered but still firm against their wish. I told them go to their class and listen their teacher until the end of the session. I also told them that I am watching both of you until you enter the room. And I did it! In a university environment, it is an unusual thing to do but I did! They even looked back a few times to check whether I was still keeping my eyes on them. When they were sure that I was not going to move away until they entered the room, they reluctantly went to the class. I did this for the sake of my friend who was waiting in the classroom with no student inside. I also did this because the excuse created by these two girls was beyond the boundaries of reason.
Yesterday evening I met with M. Bey from Cambodia. He is one of my friends from the same university. I don’t really remember if we took any course together but we met by means of A. who now works in Australia. He came to Vietnam just to travel together with some other Turkish national teachers. They were all at the dinner with B. Bey. I met two of them together. We sat in front of the Natalia Restaurant and had a long conversation about past and present. Later on the conversation directed towards my stories because B. Bey read some of them. He said “it is our story” when he mentioned “The Divine Joke”. The same reaction I have encountered long ago from another friend in the religious community. In fact, I said to both of them, even though there were years between them, story talks in its voice. I am not supposed to say what it means. I accept that there is no way to separate a story from its writer’s private life. However, this does not allow reader to investigate writer’s inner world rather than enjoying the story only. A story speaks in its own voice and a reader must listen to it. As a very well-known example, after the discovery of psychoanalysis, many literary critics tried to deconstruct and reconstruct great Western novels like Dostoyevsky’s “Crime and Punishment”. What they have found is the sufferings of the writer during his exile in Siberia and his gambling habit. None of these findings helped the reader to understand the story better. Because these methods were created to read the writer and writer’s “writing process”, but not to understand the story for the sake of the story. I usually enjoy reading a novel just because it is written. The private life of the writer can be part of my attention if I like the book. Then I read the biography of the writer.
We talked there for more than one our about the stories, publishing books, writing and the changing religious communities. B. Bey said the community now needs more open-minded people than narrow-minded people. Because the world is too big and they are in need of people who can think wide. However, there is always a limit for the width of this image. How wide is acceptable? Can religious community embrace an agnostic, a social drinker? A free thinker, a writer who might complain about everything he sees wrong? I don’t think so! He himself said that he can not hug an atheist. I don’t blame him for this. This is his choice and I respect that. There is one thing I have learnt in last 6 years is the importance of my freedom. I read what I want to read and I write what I want to write. I also think I want to think, change my mind whenever I feel my old ideas should be thrown away for the new ones to replace. I learnt that nothing is permanent and nothing should be considered as the truth except for there are truths as many as human minds on this earth. Another thing I have learnt after I come to Asia is not to ask someone’s religion/belief. I randomly ask friends their religions just to know them better. Other than this I don’t care who believes what as long as they do not harm each other and they do something for the sake of society. I also believe that someone can be ethically good without the help of religion. It is possible to create a collection of ethical codes which are independent from all religious dogmas and only depends on scientific reasoning and logical excellency.
Beside my distance from the community, they are always warm-hearted towards me. In Thailand and in Vietnam, I always enjoyed their tolerant atmosphere. Since I know this tolerant atmosphere is only for those who are out of the circle, I never wanted to go back and probably will never go back. However, I should always be thankful to the friends from the community for being generous all the time.
I am perhaps one of the few people in this world who can not say what he/she thinks exactly but more inclined to keep the peaceful conversation for the sake of friendship. It is actually more visible in my novel character because I have created a character who regrets two minutes after he says things actually he never wanted to say. Basically, he is opposite of me! I do this thing a lot in my real life. I write harshly but never speak… One of the reasons for this might be my dullness in speaking. I speak quickly and mostly people don’t understand what exactly I am saying. Additionally, speaking is not a good way to discuss serious things because there is no enough time to think. I would rather writing because once I read some opinions, I can digest them first and I can write whenever I feel ready to produce something.
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder