6th January 2007
Whenever I need to buy gifts for children, I start worrying about the child’s gender for a suitable toy. It happened in this Bayram too. I and J went to the hotel for the Bayram Programme prepared by the Turkish community here. One day before bayram, we went to a market to buy toys. As I remembered there were some boys and some girls in the Turkish community here, we bought toys for both genders. However, a catastrophe was waiting for us! There was no one single baby-boy in the party. All the little girls… Hopefully we had enough toys for all girls and finished the event without any regret. Later on, I thought about my attitude towards children. These kids do not know they are girls! Even if they know that they are girls, they may not know that their toys should be pink babies or walking ducks! This is all in adults’ heads. We make them boys and girls while they had no idea of being boy or girl. Boys should play with plastic guns, battery cars and shooting soldiers. Girls should play with pretty barbies, sleeping beauties and cooking utensils. The society starts to use the biological differences as tools for future distinction in genders. Girls will be mothers therefore they have to feel the pleasure of taking care of a baby and cooking. When they become woman, they feel as woman not because they are woman but because the society suppressed their other choices. Simone De Bouveaire mentions this problem in her famous book, Second Sex. Women are raised as servants to either family or child because they are potential wife or mother. If we ask modern people, they might answer in a way “it is natural”. But we must accept that nature is a relative concept and it may vary in different societies. Why can’t they play with cars? Why can’t they enjoy playing with shooting soldiers? This distinction can be explained by evolutionary idea of survival of fittest. Because this is the best way to keep the continuation of the species, Men go to war or hunt, women stay at home and take care of babies! As natural as possible! Because it works, people like it and apply it. And I am part of it. But isn’t it changing in modern countries? The more women becomes economically independent, the more their social roles are having intersection. I believe, the kids will have more unisex toys to play with. Not to choose their gender but to choose their character! A woman can be a soldier and a man can be a nurse. We all know this! Then why do we worry about the discrimination of toys!
The Bayram programme was nice with a few jokes, a lot of photos and big smiles. This is all Bayram about! Being happy with the people around, showing love to children and not leaving elders behind. J met with a few Turkish women so she might enjoy more social life in the coming weeks. Everything was nice as my expectations were not high and being among Turkish-speaking friends was more than enough for me to be happy. But still one thing kept my mind busy while listening young university students’ speeches/poems/songs about themselves, community and being in a foreign country.
I lived in this community for more than ten years before leaving it in 2001 and I know that a few things changed over the years even though many people believe that the community changed a lot. One of the many things did not change is members’ perspective to look at themselves. Most of the time, people in the community look at themselves by the eyes of other people who live outside the circle. It can be considered as a type of narcissism if we think that this also makes them proud of their own compromises. Looking at mirrors and seeing your body growing everyday can make everyone proud and excited. But as a community it can be considered as a problem if you want others to witness it just to use this as a motivation factor. “Who said what about us?”, “Why are we here?” What happened where?” and “How miraculous job we have done so far?” all can be expressed and recited in the community. “We” and “others” are the two main categories. Then “others” also can be categorized by two: Those who sympathize us and those who don’t.
Being away from home is not easy for anyone. It is a kind of torture for young people who really need the support of their parents in the time of their education. I can understand the sacrifices made by the people in this community. But what is the point of mentioning it in every meeting and trying to overfeed the emotional side of the community in every opportunity? If there are sacrifices, there will be awards. Don’t they believe it? Because people believe in something, they do it and they stay in this foreign country. Beside living abroad is hard, we can also say that it is exciting, rewarding and teaching. It is the best way to learn other cultures and languages. They are lucky to be here because they can look at the world from a different perspective. For hundreds of years, Christian missionaries travelled around the world for the same purpose. It was much more difficult I their time. Now, people have internet, telephone, air planes… Travelling is so simple, communication is so simple, living in a foreign country is so simple… Then what sacrifices they are making? It can be mentioned as a benefit more than a burden. I would say many Turkish are coming to Thailand to live. Then can we say that Turkish community in Thailand is sacrificing something to be there? It will be similar for Vietnam as well. Vietnam is a developing country and there are many new business/education opportunities here. There will be more people coming in the future and many will come for worldly reasons like myself.
Using self-whipping as a motivation factor is another thing. It shows immaturity of the people’s heart because when someone makes others cry for his/her sacrifices (or he/she cries for himself/herself only in front of others), then it means that person needs to see other people’s tears to be firm enough. If one can stand only with the support of others, then where is loyalty and faith which are supposed to be in the heart of the believer? From the perspective of Kantian ethics, “good” can not be considered as “good” if it is done for another purpose including a benefit which can be obtained later. One should do “good” only for the sake of “being good”. We may not agree with Kant but there is something important in this principle: What makes these people live in another country? The answer is undoubtedly clear: The love of God. Then isn’t love of God enough to keep them work hard and achieve great things which can not be achieved without love of God?
There was also one discussion about how we can explain the meaning of bayram to Vietnamese people. The problem was how to explain them why we slaughter the animals. It was hard because most of the Vietnamese people are either atheist (no religion) or have an atheist-religious belief (like Buddhism). This makes it harder because then they have to make them understand that this is what God wishes. It went on for a few minutes and disappeared without a conclusion.
After all the program, we left the hotel happily. I have thanked to A. Bey and D. Bey for inviting me. I guess the things I have mentioned above are minor problems and many people even do not see anything wrong with these issues. They might be right. But still this is my observation and my brief criticism.
I will continue writing on other issues later in the night.
Whenever I need to buy gifts for children, I start worrying about the child’s gender for a suitable toy. It happened in this Bayram too. I and J went to the hotel for the Bayram Programme prepared by the Turkish community here. One day before bayram, we went to a market to buy toys. As I remembered there were some boys and some girls in the Turkish community here, we bought toys for both genders. However, a catastrophe was waiting for us! There was no one single baby-boy in the party. All the little girls… Hopefully we had enough toys for all girls and finished the event without any regret. Later on, I thought about my attitude towards children. These kids do not know they are girls! Even if they know that they are girls, they may not know that their toys should be pink babies or walking ducks! This is all in adults’ heads. We make them boys and girls while they had no idea of being boy or girl. Boys should play with plastic guns, battery cars and shooting soldiers. Girls should play with pretty barbies, sleeping beauties and cooking utensils. The society starts to use the biological differences as tools for future distinction in genders. Girls will be mothers therefore they have to feel the pleasure of taking care of a baby and cooking. When they become woman, they feel as woman not because they are woman but because the society suppressed their other choices. Simone De Bouveaire mentions this problem in her famous book, Second Sex. Women are raised as servants to either family or child because they are potential wife or mother. If we ask modern people, they might answer in a way “it is natural”. But we must accept that nature is a relative concept and it may vary in different societies. Why can’t they play with cars? Why can’t they enjoy playing with shooting soldiers? This distinction can be explained by evolutionary idea of survival of fittest. Because this is the best way to keep the continuation of the species, Men go to war or hunt, women stay at home and take care of babies! As natural as possible! Because it works, people like it and apply it. And I am part of it. But isn’t it changing in modern countries? The more women becomes economically independent, the more their social roles are having intersection. I believe, the kids will have more unisex toys to play with. Not to choose their gender but to choose their character! A woman can be a soldier and a man can be a nurse. We all know this! Then why do we worry about the discrimination of toys!
The Bayram programme was nice with a few jokes, a lot of photos and big smiles. This is all Bayram about! Being happy with the people around, showing love to children and not leaving elders behind. J met with a few Turkish women so she might enjoy more social life in the coming weeks. Everything was nice as my expectations were not high and being among Turkish-speaking friends was more than enough for me to be happy. But still one thing kept my mind busy while listening young university students’ speeches/poems/songs about themselves, community and being in a foreign country.
I lived in this community for more than ten years before leaving it in 2001 and I know that a few things changed over the years even though many people believe that the community changed a lot. One of the many things did not change is members’ perspective to look at themselves. Most of the time, people in the community look at themselves by the eyes of other people who live outside the circle. It can be considered as a type of narcissism if we think that this also makes them proud of their own compromises. Looking at mirrors and seeing your body growing everyday can make everyone proud and excited. But as a community it can be considered as a problem if you want others to witness it just to use this as a motivation factor. “Who said what about us?”, “Why are we here?” What happened where?” and “How miraculous job we have done so far?” all can be expressed and recited in the community. “We” and “others” are the two main categories. Then “others” also can be categorized by two: Those who sympathize us and those who don’t.
Being away from home is not easy for anyone. It is a kind of torture for young people who really need the support of their parents in the time of their education. I can understand the sacrifices made by the people in this community. But what is the point of mentioning it in every meeting and trying to overfeed the emotional side of the community in every opportunity? If there are sacrifices, there will be awards. Don’t they believe it? Because people believe in something, they do it and they stay in this foreign country. Beside living abroad is hard, we can also say that it is exciting, rewarding and teaching. It is the best way to learn other cultures and languages. They are lucky to be here because they can look at the world from a different perspective. For hundreds of years, Christian missionaries travelled around the world for the same purpose. It was much more difficult I their time. Now, people have internet, telephone, air planes… Travelling is so simple, communication is so simple, living in a foreign country is so simple… Then what sacrifices they are making? It can be mentioned as a benefit more than a burden. I would say many Turkish are coming to Thailand to live. Then can we say that Turkish community in Thailand is sacrificing something to be there? It will be similar for Vietnam as well. Vietnam is a developing country and there are many new business/education opportunities here. There will be more people coming in the future and many will come for worldly reasons like myself.
Using self-whipping as a motivation factor is another thing. It shows immaturity of the people’s heart because when someone makes others cry for his/her sacrifices (or he/she cries for himself/herself only in front of others), then it means that person needs to see other people’s tears to be firm enough. If one can stand only with the support of others, then where is loyalty and faith which are supposed to be in the heart of the believer? From the perspective of Kantian ethics, “good” can not be considered as “good” if it is done for another purpose including a benefit which can be obtained later. One should do “good” only for the sake of “being good”. We may not agree with Kant but there is something important in this principle: What makes these people live in another country? The answer is undoubtedly clear: The love of God. Then isn’t love of God enough to keep them work hard and achieve great things which can not be achieved without love of God?
There was also one discussion about how we can explain the meaning of bayram to Vietnamese people. The problem was how to explain them why we slaughter the animals. It was hard because most of the Vietnamese people are either atheist (no religion) or have an atheist-religious belief (like Buddhism). This makes it harder because then they have to make them understand that this is what God wishes. It went on for a few minutes and disappeared without a conclusion.
After all the program, we left the hotel happily. I have thanked to A. Bey and D. Bey for inviting me. I guess the things I have mentioned above are minor problems and many people even do not see anything wrong with these issues. They might be right. But still this is my observation and my brief criticism.
I will continue writing on other issues later in the night.
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