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06 Ağustos 2006

Letters from Vietnam 22


6 August 2006 – 18:17 – Sunday - Home

I have been studying Discrete Math for more than 2 hours. Actually, I am already feeling ready for my class. I don’t really worry about it. My enthusiasm can be considered as fun! I enjoy doing math with a book and pieces of papers. I proved a few theorems and I derived a few formulae to calculate number of simple paths, Hamilton Cycles and Euler Paths in a complete graph of Kn. As it happens after each proof, I am amazed with the results of the solutions. For example, the number of simple paths from one vertex to another vertex in a complete graph of Kn equals to exact value of e*(n-2)! This is surprising because number of simple paths is an outcome of a counting process. However, the Euler constant e=2.718… can be used to calculate it. For example, there are 5 simple paths in a K4. It also equals to exact value of 2.718…*(4-2)!=5.437… (By exact value, I mean cutting the digits after the point, not rounding!) This makes me think about the existence of irrational numbers again! Why do we have them? Or do they really exist? Ancient Greeks hid the existence of squared-root of 2 from public because they were not really sure about the existence of the number. How could it be possible to have a non-existent length for a diagonal of a 1 unit square? Beside this, numbers like pi and e are more complicated. For example, in probability theory both numbers are very useful. In Normal distribution, the function has both pi and e as constants. They are useful for modeling and approximating. Many mathematical objects with an optimum excellence use these numbers as their base. When we say circle, we do not talk about individual circles. The circle whose area equals to pi*r^2 is a perfect circle with zero thickness. Then number pi is also a number which belongs to this perfect circle. Ancient Egyptians and Mesopotamians did not know that pi is an irrational number but they used approximations for constructing buildings. It seems they did not have many problems. Even today, except for astronomers, most of the scientists use 3.1416 as pi. Students in high schools still think that 22/7 exactly equals to pi and use it freely. Civil engineers do not need more than 4 digits after the point. It is because we and all the circles we can observe belong to an imperfect universe. We are living in an incomplete universe which continues to evolve and we have no idea whether it will come to a point of perfection or not. But somehow, we have the ability of thinking the perfection. Descartes uses this idea of perfection to prove existence of God. According to Descartes, because we can think of "perfect", then ontologically there must be something or someone perfect. So this should be God. Actually, his reasoning is longer and more complicated but this is what remained in my mind after many years. There is another thing I could remember from Descartes readings: He does not explain why we should deny the existence of pegasus. According to his reasoning, we can think of a horse with wings. There should be a flying horse somewhere in the realm of existence.
Mathematicians create a non-existent perfect universe which has its own entities. These entities are not necessarily useful. Those who discover them do not really worry about their practical purposes. How could Euler imagine that his theorem about Euler Paths or Complex Numbers will be used by the mathematicians, physicists, computer scientists, software developers, system engineers etc of 20th centuries? Euler solved the famous Kongsberg Bridge Problem either for fun or for challenging or both (at the end challenging is fun!). It is amazing that there are people on this earth who are only caring about memorizing more and more digits of pi! Neither pi nor these crazy people give up!

Actually, it is not only mathematicians who create these perfect objects. If we have a quick look at the history of mankind, we can see how the idea of God evolved from “protectors from natural disasters” to “omni-potent, omniscient” God. Isn’t it a similar process? God is perfect and He has everything we don’t or can’t have! We are creating what we need! People needed numbers and they created them. People needed to believe someone who always cares for them and they created God. We all like the idea of perfection. Something imperfect could be considered as incomplete and something incomplete can be considered as “can be completed with a sufficient effort”. I guess, this is one of the ambitions which make us human. This is also how evolution works. If we take our brains as the “best product” of millions of years of evolution process, it would not be surprising that we can easily create perfect objects which do not contradict each other. Actually, Gödel showed that Math itself is not perfect either. Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem clearly showed that no system –including Logic and Mathematics- can stand on its own feet. This theorem gives more chance to future Mathematicians to create a new system which is complete or at least “more complete” than our present Mathematics.

Now, I will go back to study more Math since I did not finish the chapter yet. There are always amazing things in Math and only finding them with my own effort is enough to make me satisfied with my day. I started to read Graham Greene’s “Quiet American” and I guess I can finish it in a few days.

Today, I also found some other blogs which are kept by Middle Eastern intellectuals. They are living in the countries where there is war going on. For those who are interested in reading things that are usually not told by BBC or CNN, these are good sources.

www.afamilyinbaghdad.blogspot.com

A page from past...

J is back... We are busy with cleaning the house and buying things to cook! I will return to writing when I have my balance again... Probably, tomorrow will be good to restart...
Now, I am posting a page from Journal of April. I was in Thailand.
10th April 2006 / 21:46 / Bang Saen

I love sea. I love almost everything about the sea. Waves, sand, sunset, food, wind, walking barefoot, feeling fresh and cool, children, forgetting time and being part of the ocean… Sea reminds me infinity more than anything else does. Today, I walked toward to sea for almost 50 meters and the water was still not reaching my neck. I thought how far more I should walk more to arrive to the point where I can drown myself. I remembered the scene from the movie “The Hours” in which Virginia Woolf attempts to kill herself several times in the river. She achieves at the end. She dies in the cold water of the river with her own will. When I walked in the sea, sun was in front of me, on the water, like a floating baloon, bright and hot…

I walked more, the small waves started to reach my mouth and sharp salty taste of water filled my mouth. I stood there, motionless, looked at behind and at front, there was no bobody around me. J was sitting on the beach and I was sure she could not see me either. I felt the gravity of water on my body. If I take a few steps more, my head will completely be under the water. I will not be able to breath and I will slowly die. But I know that is it impossible unless I tie a heavy stone to my foot. A person can not kill himself just by walking toward deep sea. There must be another factor… A reason!

I don’t have a reason to kill myself. At least, not yet! I returned back to beach and had some sweet. I sat on the chairs and read my book. There were young people around and according to J, they were speaking a filthy language. We both got disturbed from their behavior toward other locals and especially toward myself as I was the only farang-looking guy near to them at that time. J said, they said bad things about me. I did not ask her what they were talking about. I am a peaceful person and I don’t want a bunch of bastards destroy my vacation. We started to walk on the beach. One of my favorite entertainments is to walk barefoot and sometimes looking back how the waves wipe out the foot prints. It reminds me life and what we leave behind. We all walk on a finite long beach. Some of us walk in the water so noone can remember that we have walked there. Some of us walk in the sea shore where the waves wipe the prints in a few seconds. Some of us walk far from the waves and their foot prints stay until water level increase in the night. We all leave something behind. Most of the people leave children and properties. Artists leave their art, writers leave their books, and teachers leave their students. And almost all people leave a graveston or box of ashes behind. Physically, we all disappear from this earth but leaving good memoirs and good things all depend on us.

Waves are infinite –a little girl was trying to jump over waves while counting them one by one-. I wondered how many waves striked to this beach since the beginning of the time! How many people walked on this beach before us? How many times the sun sinked in the water as if it wants to cool down at the end of the day while boiling the water of the sea? Sea is a symbol for motherhood for me. It has millions of kinds of different species. Life started in the sea and life also ends –the cycle- in the sea as well. It has the power of infinite dreams and imaginations. I remember the novels on the sea: Mobydick, Old man and the Sea, The Fisherman of Halikarnas etc… They all mention sea as the supplier of life, god of all gods…

After walking a short distance, we went back to our room, took shower and prepared for dinner. There was a nice restaurant near to the resort area. We went there and ate some sea food with a bottle of beer. I like to drink beer when I am near to sea. The sound of waves was inside the faculties of my brain, J was busy with her food, the cold beer was going down to my stomach while making me drunk in each second. I can be drunk easily because I do not drink so often. In fact, I drank yesterday after almost 2 months break. I found drinking is a great fun if there are many friends around and a lot of things to talk about. Sitting alone –or with J- and drinking is not that fun but I did it in the honor of sea. At the end of the evening, I was happy, cheerful and satisfied with my day. We returned home before 8:30 because J wanted to watch the summary of Big Brother. I continued reading my book until the tiredness of the day took me to a deep sleep. Unfortunately, the pillow was so hard that I woke up many times in the night. In the morning, I was not feeling so fresh but I was still happy since there is nothing to worry about for the day. This must be vacation I said to myself… I can sleep whenever I want…

03 Ağustos 2006

Letters from Vietnam 21

3 August 2006 – 19:22 – Home

Kafka should have been born in Vietnam! Not in Prague! I was so happy last night when I got the picture of the backside of my diploma. My brother sent me the picture by e-mail so I could see all the authentication stamps. There were three stamps, each from different institutions. My brother went to Ankara just to get this work done. He was in his vacation but sacrificed a few days for me. He first went to Ministry of Education to get an approval to ensure that my diploma is from a YOK (Higher Education Institute) university. Then they took my diploma to get another stamp from Foreign Ministry so that the authentication from Ministry of Education can be authenticated. Then they took my diploma to Vietnamese Embassy to get the third and final authentication to authenticate the other two authentications. According to him, the most difficult part was Vietnamese Embassy because they had no idea what my brother wants them to do. They don’t speak Turkish which I can't blame for and don’t understand anything in Turkish. But shouldn't they have someone who can understand Turkish in the Embassy? Anyway, my brother called one of his friends who can speak English. O talked with the officials in the embassy and after one hour waiting, they got the stamp from the embassy. All these steps were told me by Embassy of Turkey in Hanoi. Therefore, I followed the steps and informed my brother about the necessary things. He did exactly what he had to do and he finished his part of the job. Now he is in vacation with his wife, probably swimming around Silivri coast. I thanked him several times. Today morning I printed the picture and gave it to HR department so they will say if it is ok or not! Since I did everything right, I was not worrying about it much. But things did not go that way!

In the afternoon, I have been called by one of the HR Department secretaries. She is the one who usually contacts with Vietnamese officials and deals with the problems. She told me that the authentication process is not completed. According to officials in immigration office, the stamp from Foreign Ministry and from Ministry of Education is in Turkish and both must be translated and authenticated by a third institution. This could be a local noter. If this is the end of the story, I would still be ok because it does not take too long time to go to a local noter and get translation with a stamp. My brother can do it very easily, just before sending the original copy of the diploma to me. It is not end of the story because the authentication of the translation must be also authenticated by Foreign Ministry again. Here I started laughing and asked the HR lady if she ever heard the name “Kafka”!!! She looked at my face and seemed she did not get my point. I also regretted asking this question since there was nothing she could do. She is also lost in her own job because she tries to help foreigners but burocracy is a hard-rock which does not give a way. This is why I started today’s journal entry with Kafka. Isn’t it a real Kafkaesque situation? A cat is trying to catch its tail? If I can authenticate translation of the stamps, then it must be authenticated by foreign ministry again. Then that authentication must be translated and authenticated by the noter again. In the vicious circle of authentication, we will never reach the Castle but we will also never give up the Castle. It is there, in front of our eyes, can be seen very easily, even with bare eyes but it is unreachable. It is unreachable not because we are not able to reach but because the gears of the system are designed in a wrong way that it will not let us to go through. In theory, even if we get all the authentications, there must be one last authenticator who does not need to be authenticated. Who is this? Is he God? Is he the officer in the Vietnamese immigration? Who is that self-authenticated person! Why can’t a noter or a foreign ministry stamp be a self-authenticator? If not, how can an official in the immigration office decide that the authentications from Ministry of Education and Foreign Ministry are useless because they are written in Turkish? If they were in English, then why would I have to take it to Vietnamese Embassy? We got another authentication from Vietnamese Embassy so that those Turkish-written stamps are related with what we are looking for. If it was useless, then why did they stamp on it? Isn’t it all weird and non-sense?

Now the situation is worse because I even don’t know what to do! I don’t think Foreign Ministry can give a stamp in English. I will write to the Embassy of Turkey in Hanoi again and ask them what I can do now. It is amazing that I started working in Thailand without having the original copy of my diploma. I even got my second job in Rayong with the photocopy of my diploma. I brought the original copy of my diploma to Thailand in 2002 and used it first time in SIS. I can not blame the principals for not asking me the original copy of my diploma because I am a math teacher. This means I teach math and without a proper degree it is not easy to teach math. If my degree was not real, I would not have been able to teach Grade 11 and 12 Math/Physics. It is obvious and I guess this was the reason why they did not ask me the original copy for long time.

I was planning to write on other things but this authentication problem and its funny side made me away from my plans. Anyway, it is still ok and there is plenty of time to write on other things. Tomorrow, I will write in Turkish. After that I will write in English and in Turkish alternatingly. Tomorrow is also the second day for running. I have to wake up early and run around Fu my Hung area.

02 Ağustos 2006

Letters from Vietnam 20

2 August 2006 – 19:45 – Home

Those who don’t like to watch news because the news disappoints them must think twice. I heard three people in last few weeks saying that how much they hate watching news and how much they feel better when they ignore the world news. Isn’t it insane to say such a thing? Aren’t we feeling more human when we suffer for others’ pains as if we ourselves get hurt? Isn’t it our nature to feel sorry for others and to do something –if possible- to change it? I can not stand the people who are laughing and saying that “I don’t watch news because they are all sad”. Well, you would not say this thing if you were the one who suffers! It is also beyond belief. I don’t believe people’s sincerity when they say this. I think they do not know what they are saying or they are not aware of the gravity of their words. When tsunami hit the Andaman coasts of Thailand, can any Thai person dare to neglect those suffering people? When earthquake hit Pakistan, can any Muslim dare to feel nothing for those who are trying to survive in the freezing weather? Is it another sign of being human to be selfish and to care for only our own tribes? I believe in one thing: We are human when we have freedom and we are more human when we use our freedom to help others. That is the only excuse which can give a meaning to our miserable life. I am not saying that I do care enough for the people who suffer but at least I try my best. Feeling sorry for those who are in need of help is the first step. Then next steps like helping them or calling people for help come after that. One of the hadits of Prophet Muhammad says this: If you –whoever- sees a bad thing, change it with your hand (by physical work), if you cannot, change it with your tongue (say something to change it), if you cannot, with your heart (share the sadness). The last one is the bottom level of faith… (My own translation from Arabic may not reflect the real meaning but it seems ok)

I need more time to read and write. Since I started my new job, I read much less and write very insignificant things. Last two months, not a single short story has been written! It is a bad sign and I have to change myself. Cutting internet hours can create at least one hour extra everyday. I am trying to use less and less internet in these days. I removed chat programs from my computers so I will not waste my evenings with chatting with old students or friends. I really like to chat but it is very time-consuming. It is an addiction. Not so different from alcohol! I feel lonely when I am offline and somehow when I am online I feel like as if I am plugged in to a large organism which breathes and grows same as me. I am part of it and whenever I leave it, I start to worry about my absence. This might be an existential phenomenon since it is much related with loneliness and anxiety of missing something! I stupidly read news about sports events in Turkey, listen weather report in Istanbul, and try to get more information about unknown rock stars of Turkey etc… Yesterday, I have learnt A also listens the weather report for his hometown. I felt better for a while since I was not the only one. It reminded me the beautiful opening of Milan Kundera’s last novel (The Ignorance). He mentions the roots of the word “nostalgia” at the beginning and he explains different meaning of the word in different European languages. In one of the Northern European languages, he says that “I miss you” means “I want to know what happened to you” . Basically, I miss Istanbul means; I want to know how Istanbul is now! How is the weather? How are the gulls? How is Bosporus? How are the stray cats? How is Beyoglu? How are the theaters? How are the street vendors who are selling ‘simit’ or ‘pilaf with chicken’? How is the summer? How are the trees with ‘erguvan’ purples? How are the ferries crossing the Bosporus everyday without feeling bored of same water and same people?

Yesterday I went to one of the toilets in the school. Surprisingly it was very loudly! Not because of a natural sound but someone was playing music with the highest volume in the toilet. He was the guy occupying next booth. I have seen whistlers, singers, frequent flushers before but never seen a man with his telephone-mp3 player before. I was actually irritated with the noise because I like silence in toilet. Isn’t it our privacy to feel the isolation from others and feel away from others’ judging eyes for a while? I like that silence or at least the natural sound of water or even the flush! One should be more careful not to disturb others in the toilet.

Today morning, I started running again. I woke up at 6 am and without any plan I was outside at 6:10 with my sportswear. I run around 2 km without stopping and made some push-ups at the beginning and at the end. When I started running, I heard B’s voice behind me, ‘come on Al, come on’. I did run! I guess it is impossible to forget the days I run together with B. Whenever I stopped, I heard him saying, ‘what are you? A mouse, come one, run more!’ I was tired and without caring what B said I climbed to my apartment at the third floor. When I entered my apartment, I was exhausted. I drank some water and some carrot juice to feel better but nothing made me feel better until I saw the message from my brother. He wrote that he finished all the authorization process of my diploma at Foreign Ministry of Turkey and Vietnamese Embassy in Ankara. I forgot all my tiredness, felt joyful and smiled. I thought a beautiful day could not start better than this…