CHITCHATS IN HEAVEN

                                                         Heaven as they call it

                                                         A few palaces and a few houris

                                                         Give them to those who want

                                                          I need nothing but YOU

                                                         

                                              Yunus Emre, 13th century Turkish sufi poet

The day was the most beautiful day of the week and the time was the most beatiful time of the day. God’s beautiful image* has risen through the mountains that surround the city. It was like a sunrise on a spring day. The faithful people who have waited a week for this day to come, enjoyed the moment with great celebration while the priceless beauty of God was being reflected on their faces. Billions of people felt the ecstasy of seeing their God without a veil in between. With the highest possible emotional breakthrough in their hearts, most of them promised themselves that they will never move away from this peak moment. Outcries, shouts, screams of bliss and tears of happiness all mingled together, a storm of peace spread towards the sky. In that very moment of excessive joy, Ahmet’s eyes caught the steps of his childhood friend Adem** who was slowly splitting the crowd and seemingly looking for a quiet place for himself. He decided to chase him and without much effort he made his way through the crowd.

-          Hi Adem. How are you? We haven’t seen each other for a week. If not Fridays, we won’t see each other at all in this huge heaven.

He knew that Adem is having some serious troubles in recent months but he didn't know how to start the conversation. This is why he tried to refer to their friendship back in the previous life in the world.  Adem unwillingly opened his mouth to speak. The words came out through his tongue like a bicycle wobbling through a steep uphill.

-          I am ok, as you know. I don’t have any problem. We are in heaven, there is no such a thing called “problem” here. You know it too.

Ahmet stared at his friend closely. They knew each other since the middle school. Although they studied at different high schools, fate brought them together again at the engineering faculty of the same university. Since those years, they stayed as close friends and even after death, this did not change much.

-          There is something but you are hiding. Is it the same houri*** problem? As I heard from others, you sent all the houris away. Is it true that there is no even a single gilman**** at your home! I cannot understand you. We were patient people in the world life, did not get indulged in pleasures. Now we deserve them. You don’t need to worry about the others anymore. Thanks God, we passed the bridge***** without any trouble. I don’t understand why you make your life so difficult for yourself. Look at me, I now have seventy houris. I also have twenty gilmans. On Fridays, I come here for the ceremony. I am extremely happy with my life in heaven. You can do the same.

Adem smiled slightly once he hears the number seventy. He seemed controlling his laughter though. Perhaps, if he laughs loudly, it would mean as a support to Ahmet’s decision of seventy houris.

-          I cannot stand the fact that those houris and gilmans work for me all day and get nothing. I feel guilty and this guilt gnaws me inside. I cannot stop thinking that they also have their own rights to exist, live a decent life like us.

Ahmet slightly stroked his one-year long beard.

-          You are speaking nonsense, Adem. You know it too but you are so stubborn. You cannot admit it. They have been created to serve us. It is their raison d’être. They exist to make us happy, not for any other reason. They are definitely not the oppressed class. The more they serve us, the more they feel happy. Believe me! Listen, do you know what I have been thinking recently? Let me send ten houris to your house tonight. Spend your night with them, enjoy every possible pleasure, let your mind ease a bit. Tomorrow, we can go together and look for nice houris for you. 

      Adem stared at his friend’s face in order to check whether he was serious in his offer. To his surprise, Ahmet seemed quite adamant. From their long friendship in the world life, he always considered Ahmet as a man who enjoys putting salt on bleeding wounds of his friends and it seemed even the heaven didn’t change him much.

-          No, thanks! I am fine. I plan to read in the evening. Despite all the distractions, my biggest pleasure is still reading and contemplating.

      A sharp grin spread over Ahmet’s face, showing the effect of the disappointment. He couldn’t believe that Adem declined his offer. Perhaps, he needed to deviate from this serious topic.

-          Do you know what makes me the happiest? I am so glad that we got divorced before dying. Otherwise, we would be getting all that nonsense noise from our wives here too. Actually you lived many years after your divorce but me! I had an accident right after the court’s decision, died on the same day. God loves me, man! I escaped at the very last moment. Now I am very fine. My wife, I mean ex-wife, lives at the other corner of heaven. I never see her. Our kids come to visit me once in a while. When they visit, I send all the houris away. I don’t want them to misunderstand me, you know! I am their father. I somehow feel a bit embarrassed. But once they leave, we make the best parties of heaven. Come on, don’t decline my offer. Take ten of them, let your mind rest, let your body enjoy. 

-          Don’t insist, Ahmet. I will never say yes. Last time I spent time with houris, I could not feel well for months. I suffered as if I carried a large rock in my stomach while walking along the honey rivers. I cannot be happy by oppressing others.

-          Haaaaa! You are getting out of the path, my friend! Who is oppressing who? They are doing their job. You must do your job too and your job is to be happy. You were like this in the world too. You should thank me for not letting you on your way. Otherwise, your heart would have been blackened by those dangerous thoughts and you would not have passed the life exam. We passed the bridge because of me.

-          You are right, Ahmet. I cannot thank you enough. However, this still doesn't change my thoughts about the houris and gilmans. I wish they never existed so we could do our jobs ourselves or jobs could be completed by themselves.

A long laughter exploded in Ahmet’s mouth.

-          You are speaking without thinking. It is not about the jobs only. What about our needs? How can we satisfy those needs by ourselves? Your words make no sense at all. Our infinite God’s infinite mercy put us here and we are content with what He gives us. We, the faithful ones, have no right to decline what He gives us.

Adem’s eyes opened wide when he heard the word “infinite”. Perhaps, it was the only opportunity that he will be getting today. He wanted to flow like a river which just found its bed.

-          You say infinite! That also confuses me in these days. I understand and respect the idea that our God is infinitely powerful and infinitely beautiful.

-          Yeahh! Finally, you started making sense.

-          No, no! It doesn’t end there. Where does this infinite beauty and power come from? What is the source?

-          My dear Adem, your mind is more confused than I previously thought. If you continue talking like this, I will not talk to you any more. Otherwise, you will put me in trouble too. Are you crazy? Do you hear what you are saying?

-          Calm down, Ahmet. No need to be so worried, believe me. I am just contemplating.

-          No, you are not contemplating. You are moving towards infidelity. Contemplating is going uphill, you are going downhill.

-          Why so? Let’s think together. We both know that there is not a single concept of infinite. Technically, we can claim that there are infinite number of infinites. For example, there are infinite number of real numbers between zero and one. But there are also infinite number of real numbers between one and infinite. Can we say that these two sets are equally big? Of course not! The latter one is infinite times bigger than the former one. 

-          And then? Where are you heading to? You made me curious too. Out of nowhere you are sprouting the seeds of doubts into my heart! Anyway, continue. I am listening.

-          Don’t worry, Ahmet. Nothing bad can happen to you. We go to see God on Fridays. We all appreciate His infinite power, His infinite knowledge and His infinite beauty.

-          And then?

-          What if there is another God who is even more infinite than our God? Do we have a proof that there is none!

-          We don’t have a proof that there is one either!

-          You are right, Ahmet. Mine is just doubt. I am just thinking.

-          I think you are exaggerating. Don’t you see? We are in heaven, my friend. Those thoughts were good when we were in the world. There is no need to contemplate any more. Love, be loved, serve your own interests. There are honey rivers and winefalls here. If houris don’t make you happy then enjoy the other beauties. 

-          But Ahmet, I enjoy contemplating. It gives me more pleasure than the houris or the honey rivers can. Like everybody else, I too, choose doing things which make me happy. Am I doing wrong?

-          Ok, my dear Adem. Do whatever you wish but do not get me involved. Tell me your other adventures once you have them.

-          Don’t worry. We are in heaven. Didn’t you tell me that once we enter here we will always be here? Let me give you another example. You also studied engineering so it won’t be difficult for you to understand. Think of the function f(x)=ln(x). It is divergent****** but it grows very slowly. Now think of the function g(x)=e^x. This one is also divergent but it grows infinite times faster towards infinity. I mean the ratio of the g(x) to f(x) is also infinite. When we were in the world life, it was enough to believe in one infinite but now I doubt about it. What if the God we see on Fridays is f(x) and there is a g(x) which is infinite times more powerful, more beautiful, more knowledgeable? Perhaps, in the heaven of g(x), there is no place for houris and gilmans. The entire being is equal, regardless of their natüre.

-          Ohhhh Adem! You are obsessed with equality. Listen to me! You cannot find more equality and more freedom than what you find here. Here is heaven! There is no other life after this one. In this life, everything is offered to us in the most beautiful way possible. Show some gratitude! You might have ended up in hell too. You might not even have existed at all.

-          How do you know, Ahmet?

-          How do I know what?

-          How do you know that this heaven is not an exam place? Perhaps, beyond what we see and perceive there is another power. Perhaps, everything we see and perceive has been created by that power. I just mentioned g(x). Perhaps, He wants us to find him. He wants us to contemplate and reach Him by contemplating.

-          I am going home, Adem. You are not only thinking a lot, you also talk a lot. If you continue like this, you will turn your heaven to hell. Listen to my advice. Start doing something.

-          Ok, go! But I would like to ask one more question. Do you remember when I was at the faculty, I used to read a lot of philosophy and ask questions about the meaning of life. In those days, you helped me out and introduced me the infinite power of God. Do you know what I am thinking in these days? I wonder if God also questions His own being like the way I did. I mean, does He ever ask Himself why He exists or what is the meaning of all these things? Does he ever doubt that if there is another power bigger than His own? If He does, then shouldn’t He also reach the same conclusion that I have reached by using the rules of logical inference? 
     

As soon as Adem finished his last words, the ground under his feet started shaking with enormous noise. A small crack appeared right behind him and it got larger in a few seconds. It passed between Adem’s feet and made it difficult for him to stand. After a few seconds only, he felt helpless as one of his feet remained at one side of the crack and the other foot remained at the other side. His final effort to escape only ended with his fall into the crack. The whole thing happened so quick that Ahmet could only stare at his friend, speechless with what just happened before his eyes. In that short period of time, he could not even had chance to give him a hand or at least pray God to forgive him. Adem disappeared in the cold darkness of the crack and there was no single trace of him once the ground calmed down.

At the same moment, Adem found himself at the middle of a muddy swamp. The sky was purely clear, air was so clean. He spotted zebras, giraffes and deers at the other side of the swamp. Big colorful birds passed over his head with the songs of morning. At the other end of the swamp, Adem saw an ostrich moving away from her eggs to find some food for herself. There is neither a human being around nor a trace of any human community. Slowly he moved towards the ostrich’s eggs with the hope that he might fetch one egg for himself. Once he was out of the swamp, the mud sticked to his body dried up and fell. At that moment, he realized that he is nude from head to toe. Without thinking that there is no men or women to see him, he ran to a nearby fig tree. He took a leave from the tree and covered his genitals.

                                         Written by Alirıza Arıcan – May 2nd 2014
                   Translated to English by Alirıza Arıcan - May 3rd 2014

                                                                
                                                                          Changzhou, China

* seeing God: In Islamic tradition, there is a belief which suggests that muslims will be able to see God (Allah) without any veil in between. This event wiil occur every Friday.

** Adem is an Arabic name which is the equivalent of biblical name Adam.

*** houri: Female servants in heaven. They also provide sexual services if asked.

**** gilman: Male servants in heaven. They usually do the house chore. There is a debate on whether they can also provide sexual services if asked.

***** bridge: the bridge that the people are supposed to cross in order to reach heaven. Hell is under the bridge so if one is not successful, s/he falls into the hell.

****** divergent: If an infinite series cannot reach a real number, it is called divergent. For example, 1+2+3+.... is a divergent series because the sum never ends at a real number. However, some series grow faster than the others. For example 2+4+6+..... is twice the first one although it is also called divergent. The two functions mentioned in the story, f(x) and g(x), are both divergent but g(x) outgrows f(x) infinite times. This basically means g(x) divided by f(x) approaches infinite when x approaches infinite. The biggest confusion about infinity occurs when we think infinite as a number. It is a concept that we can numerically never reach. This is why we use “limit” when we deal with infinity. Whenever we assign a numerical value to infinite, we end up with a contradiction.