Bu Blogda Ara

27 Mayıs 2011

The Lift (2)

While drinking tea and biting the poğaça in my hand, I heard approaching footsteps again. I stood up and tried to see who was walking. First a young girl with red shoes passed. They were high heel shoes and the red was so vivid that even I felt jealous as if I all I needed was a pair of shoes in this dark, forgotten corner of the universe. This must be Şule, the young girl whose fiancé has thrown the ring a few weeks ago, withdrawing from the expected marriage in this summer. It seems she is compensating her heart’s loss with the gain of sparkling shoes. She was wearing pink shoes yesterday and a purple pair on Monday. Then a boy with sneakers ran quickly. This must be the office boy who does all the chores of the office. Copy this paper, take these documents to the factory, distribute the letters to the desks, keep the folders on the shelves, take the model drawings to the chief... He does everything from A to Z so that his profession has no name.
Silence conquered the corridor for a while after the sneakers disappeared. I watched the white lights coming from the ceiling, tried to figure out what the others are doing in the office and waited for someone to notice me. A pair of shining Gucci shoes appeared right in front of my eyes. These were the shoes I knew very well, these were the shoes the entire office knew very well. “Fahriye, what are you doing there? ” I thought it was a joke, a kind of joke only bosses have right to make. “I am taking my annual leave, Tufan Bey. I am tired of the pristine beaches of Mediterranean sea and the cloudy mountains of Black sea so this time I am going to enjoy my vacation here.” His feet moved a few inches back, seemed preparing to attack, definitely not laughing at my joke. “Fahriye, I know you are bored there. I have some new drawings on my desk. Can you look at them and let me know if they are suitable for the new collection?” I first thought he was teasing me but his feet seemed very adamant like a castle ready to defend. I stared at his feet to make sure what he says is what he means. “Tufan Bey, here is so dark. Let’s wait for the technician. Once he saves me from this cage, I can do my job in the office.” Gucci shoes get closer to each other, making the gap between them narrower as if they don’t want anything passes through. “I will bring a torch for you. It will be enough. You know we need you so it is better if you don’t waste your time.”
About 10 minutes later, Ahmet’s shoes appear again. “Fahriye Abla, I could not find the torch. Here there are four candles and a match. Can you work with candle light?” I didn’t answer because I knew my “no” would not make any difference. “Give them to me. I hope I can lit the candles and at the same time I can survive this box.” Ahmet lifted one of his feet to scratch his other leg and ran away. “Abla, I will bring you one more tea. Don’t feel lonely there. Tea is the best cure for loneliness.” I took the candles, put them at the four corners of the floor and lit them. The flickering light filled the room and my shadow became scarier. I stopped moving and waited for the papers to arrive. Perhaps, Ahmet was right. Tea could be the best cure for the loneliness but it may not be enough. However, I am not lonely. I am not even alone. I am just trapped in a lift a few meters away from most of my friends in the entire world.
Gucci shoes came back while I was playing with my shadow. He leaned down and showed his face through the gap. “Fahriye, I brought the model drawings but one is missing. Anyway, do your best. Is the light enough here? Can you breathe well?” I knew none of his questions expects answer from me so I said no words. He gave me a glass of tea first and then showed me his clean-shaved face. The papers emerged next to his smiling eyes, showing his good mood, expecting me to be the same. “Thank you, Tufan Bey, I need the missing drawing too. I also need the catalogue of the colours. Ask Şule to bring them to me. Also some a pencil and an eraser. She must have the other drawing on her desk. I gave it to her yesterday for final checking. ” Tufan Bey’s face enlightened as if thousands of candles are lit right at the tip of his nose. “Ok, ok, no worries… Şule is coming.” His face vanished, back of his feet appeared and they moved away quickly.
In the light of the candles, I looked at the model drawings, compared them with each other, made some minor changes and tried to stop my mind travelling to the various questions of life. Time was already approaching to 10 and still there was no sign of the technician. I was in the lift for almost 2 hours and I felt like I was here for days. I sat between two candles, made some drawings on the back of the papers. Right after I finished a new skirt model, Şule’s red shoes came, broken hearted Şule’s broken hearted shoes were still crying in her trembling voice. “Ablaaaaa, Hikmet Bey called from Alpha Garment. He wanted to talk to you. He said it is very important, he will call again.” She was speaking like someone was chasing her, short sentences with sharp ends... I stood up and stared at her shoes closely. They were a counterfeit brand but they were very good ones, hard to differentiate. I said to myself when people cannot reach a life, they find the ways to reach the shadow of that life and most of us live a fake life, a life which is imitation of others' lives, a life which seems worthed to live more than living our own.
I raised my voice to her as I am her senior in the office. “Şule, don’t you see where I am! How can I talk to him when I am trapped in this hole? Tell him wait till i get out of here!” Her feet moved back a few centimetres and she crouched to the ground, showing me her carelessly ironed red skirt . “Don’t worry abla, I brought the phone here and will put it at the corner of the door. He will call in 5 minutes again. Please answer it!” I saw my desk phone at the corner, its buttons were reflecting the light coming from the ceiling, its blue cover made me feel as if I was in the office, looking at the pictures of my children right behind the phone. It surprised me that the cables were long enough to reach from my desk to the lift. Perhaps, I felt a bit frustrated. This place was turning into my office minute by minute. Next, they will try to bring my computer here but I don’t think my huge screen can pass through this small gap. Then a portable chair and a small desk! I said nothing, turned my face towards the candles, looked at their dancing light reflections on the walls of the lift and kept waiting for the call.
To be continued…

Turkish words
Abla: elder sister (commonly used by younger ones to address middle-aged ladies)
Bayram: Religious or national festivities
Peynirli poğaça: a pastry with cheese filling
Bey: Mr

26 Mayıs 2011

Behzat Ç ve İmamın Ordusu

Bir arkadaşım tavsiye etti. Ben de bir bakayım dedim. Yurtdışında yaşadığım için takip etme olanağım yok Türkiye’de yayınlanan dizileri. Birileri youtube’e koymuş şimdiye kadar yayınlanan tüm bölümleri, hem de reklamsız! Açtım izledim. Sonra bırakamadım. Beş gün boyunca işten ne zaman vakit buldumsa Behzat’ı izledim ve dün akşam 34. Bölümü de bitirdim. Yaklaşık 50 saatlik bir maraton. Daha önce hiç yapmadığım bir şey olduğu için gündelik hayatımın (özellikle yazma ve okuma) eksenini kaydıran bir deneyim oldu benim için, en azından son beş gün için. Bu yazıyı da Behzat Ç yüzünden geç yazıyorum.Behzat Ç’nin sıradan dizilerle örtüşen yanlarını sıralamak zor değil. Aşk, ihanet, yanlış anlaşılma, klasik aile sorunları gibi herkesin hayatında yer alan inişler ve çıkışlar bu dizide de var. Yalnız bütün bunların yanında bol bol, hatta biplerin arkasından tahmin edebildiğim zaman yaratıcı olduklarını bile düşündüğüm, küfür var dizide. Sokak ağzıyla konuşuyor hemen herkes, yeri geldiğinde cumhuriyet savcısı ve polis müdürü bile. Karakterler gariban halk insanını temsil etmekte zorlanmıyorlar. Hepsi birer devlet memuru olan cinayet bürosu elemanlarının birbirleriyle olan ilişkilerinde, gerçekçi, hatta kimi zaman gerçeküstü bir yan var. Taksi parasını tartışma konusu yapan, faturaları ödemekte sıkıntı çeken, evini ısıtmakta zorlanan, her bunaldığında kendisini arkadaşlarıyla içiyor bulan insanlar bir bakıma Türkiye’nin “işini bilmeyen” memurunun ta kendisidir. 

Behzat Ç. asi ve uyumsuz bir başkomiserdir. Emir almayı sevmez ve bu yüzden satın alınamaz. Duygusaldır ama bunu asla belli etmez. Takım arkadaşlarına, onların babasıymış gibi sahip çıkar, her dertleriyle ilgilenir, sever de döver de! Cinayetleri de sistemli bir şekilde çözmez zaten. Pek çok bölümde iletişim sorunundan dolayı fazladan insan ölür ya da cinayetin çözülmesi daha uzun zaman alır. Mesela, takımdaki herkesin öğrendiğini en kısa şekilde diğer takım arkadaşlarına iletebilmesi için ortada verimli bir araç yoktur. Cep telefonlarıyla kurarlar iletişimi. Bunun yanında gereksiz bağrışmalar ve farklı ağızlardan yapılan tekrarlar, bunların sırf diziyi uzatmak için yapıldıkları izlenimi vermektedir. 

Behzat Ç. dizisini ilginç yapan en önemli yönlerden birisi kuşkusuz, devlet kurumlarında mantar gibi yayılan gruplaşmalara gönderme yapan olaylar zinciridir. Cinayete kurban giden bir albayı eldeki tüm kanıtlara rağmen intihar etmiş gibi göstermek, kanıtları güpegündüz ortadan kaldırmak, bu albayla yaptığı yazı dizisini yayınlamak isteyen gazetecinin evine baskın yapmak, balistiğe gönderilen bir silahı yolda değiştirmek, olmayan kanıtları var etmek, olan kanıtları yok etmek, polisler tarafından öldürülen bir Afrikalıyı uyuşturucu kaçakçısı olarak göstermek, karakolda işkenceyle öldürülen solcu bir genci kendisini asmış gibi göstermek gibi pek çok olay var dizide. Kimi zaman kişisel sorunlarından dolayı yılmış gibi görünse de uzun erimde Behzat Ç vazgeçmez amacından. Kendisine verilen ödülü reddederken söyledikleri de manidardır: “Ben iyi bir adam olamadım ama kimsenin de adamı olmadım. Hep doğru bildiğim yolda yürüdüm.” der ödül töreninde. 

Umarım dizi şu anki çizgisinde devam eder ve bir yandan cinayetleri çözmeye çalışırken diğer yandan aşık olup, kalbi kırılan takım elemanları, Türkiye’nin siyasi gündemine gönderme yapmaya devam eder. Gazetecilerin yazdıklarından dolayı hapse atıldıkları, amirinden değil de abisinden emir alan polis memurlarının ortalıkta cirit attığı, “Ben bu ülke için çok kurşun sıktım.” diyen yasal katillerin ellerini kollarını sallayarak müsteşarlarla birlikte ihalelere girdikleri bir ülkede, eğer bir gün huzur olacaksa, bu ancak gerçekleri korkusuzca ortaya koyabilen, kimsenin adamı olmayan ama sadece ve sadece adalete hesap veren polis memurlarının eliyle olacaktır. Umut varsa bu ancak gerçeğe inanan, demokrasiye ve cumhuriyete saygılı, ırkçı ve şovenist zihniyetten uzak devlet memurlarıyla mümkündür. Behzat’ın Harun’a dediği “Herkes yamuk oğlum, biz düzgün olsak ne olacak?” cümlesini haksız çıkarmak yine Behzat’ın ve onun gibi “kimsenin adamı olmayan” polislerin elindedir. 

Ali Rıza Arıcan

20 Mayıs 2011

The Lift - 1

The Lift
It all started with the sudden halt of the lift between 6th and 7th floor. I work at the 7th floor and from where the lift stopped; I could easily see the small portion of the door which opens to my office. I am almost there, a few meters away but there is no way I can climb to that height and squeeze myself into that gap. I should say I am scared as this happens quite often in our building and usually the technician from the subcontractor company comes quickly and fixes it. Whenever this young funny fellow comes, he seems surprised contrary to the employees in my office. He keeps saying that “I will fix it so well this time that it will never halt again for the next 100 years.” We all laugh at his naïve words, give him a glass of tea after he finishes his job and let him chit-chat with the young office girls for a short time. Although we know that sooner or later the lift will be broken and he will be called again, no one seems being bothered.
Some people in the office even claim that the repairing company also belongs to the holding which also owns our company therefore there is no loss of money for the total business. This is why the boss never complains about it. The employees do not worry about the loss of time either but for a totally different reason. They have to be in the office from 8 am to 5 pm. If the lift is broken and makes the employee late, there is nothing the employee can do. S/he can just sit on the floor of the lift and wait for the daylight to appear. If the work is not completed by the evening, s/he will have a good excuse. However, this rationalization works for the young employees only who are told what to do. The ones like me work on certain projects and we have strict deadlines. Therefore, if I cannot finish my work by 6 pm, I will need to work extra hours without pay or take the work home to do it while feeding my children or looking for my husband’s sock.
Normally, it does not take more than 5 minutes for the young technician to come and start fixing the system. He usually comes, opens the nearest floor’s door and entertains the ones who are trapped in the small box with some silly talk. If the trapped employee is a young girl, he talks like a gentleman, seeming he is very kind and very interested in young girl’s problems with their oppressive fathers or their eagle-eyed mothers. If the trapped person is a man, the topic is usually football or politics. If the victim is a middle-aged mother like me, he talks like a son or a younger brother, keeps calling the woman “Abla” and makes comments on education, cooking or parking cars in small spaces. He is a natural entertainer and probably he does not know that with his talk, he keeps his audience calm enough till the work is done.
However, today seems a bit different. I have been waiting here for a good 10 minutes. I have already refreshed my make-up without the mirror, cleaned the old messages on my mobile phone and forced myself not to worry too much about the work. I am not scared of darkness at all but staying here alone for more than 10 minutes makes me feel bored. Where is this technician? Did he swap the order of things and now talking to the young office girls he fancies before his hands are dirtied? I tried to make a call but there was no network coverage inside the lift. Nothing to do, I leaned on the wall and kept counting down from 200. By the time I reached zero, still there was no sign of my liberator. Then I started counting down again… This time when I reached 128, the door on top of my head, opened.
“Helloooo, Fahriye abla! How are you? I know it is you because only your desk is empty.” said a familiar voice. This is the teamaker of the office. I looked up to see his face but the gap is too narrow. I saw his muddy shoes only. We all know he lives in the slums of the city where not all roads are asphalted. We all like him in the office, buy gifts for his kids on New Year or on bayram days. The only person hates her in the office is the cleaning lady because she needs to clean the floor more than once a day once he walks up and down in the office.
“Yes, Ahmet! This is me. Where is the technician? Isn’t he coming to repair the lift? I have been waiting here for more than 15 minutes…” I said. Expecting a quick response, seconds turned to minutes in that moment. He went away from the door and his footsteps faded away in the distance. “Ahmeeet, where are you? Where did you go?” I shouted this time. Perhaps my voice had some tension so it did not take long to hear his approaching footsteps. “I am here, Abla. I brought you tea! I just brewed it. It is really fresh, like the rabbit’s blood” I am surprised to see his hand coming out of that small gap and trying to give me the hot tea glass. I could not help myself and burst into a big laughter. Once I stopped laughing, I held the glass carefully, added one of the sugar cubes and started mixing. “Thanks for the tea, Ahmet! But when will the technician come?” His hand disappeared from the gap and his face appeared. “I don’t know, Abla! Someone called the technician but he did not pick the call. No one in their shop answers the phones. They keep calling. By the way, are you hungry? I have some peynirli poğaça.”
I admired his optimism or his expectation of me being optimist. I am stuck in a lift and all he offers me is the food. Actually this is probably the best he could do. I am hungry anyway. I prepare the breakfast for my kids and my husband every morning but I never have enough time to sit and enjoy my tea with them. Every morning is a rush, every morning is chaos. With a smiling face in the darkness, I said “Yes, Ahmet. Give me one of the poğaças. It will go nice with the hot tea. But please don’t ignore calling the technician. I cannot wait here all day. I have work to do.” He looked at my silhouette and smiled, showing his teeth, yellowed by drinking tea all day, “Don’t worry Abla. If no one picks the phone, I will go myself, if necessary find his house and drag that young fellow from his bed to here.” He handed me the poğaça and went to the office to make more calls. I sat on the floor cross-legged, drank the first tea of the day and ate my breakfast.
To be continued…
Turkish words
Abla: elder sister (commonly used by younger ones to address middle-aged ladies)
Bayram: Religious or national festivitals
Peynirli poğaça: pastry with cheese filling

19 Mayıs 2011

Esra Elönü'ye Yanıt

İnternet özgürlüğünü sadece sanal ortamın sansürsüzlük savaşı olarak görme basiretsizliğinin ortaya çıkması için çok beklememiz gerekmedi. BTK başkanının “Anadolu’daki mütedeyyin vatandaşın beklentilerini görmezden gelemeyiz.” savunmasının üzerine terayağ ve reçel gibi geldi Elönü’nün yazısı. Öyle cafcaflı, öyle dağdağalı yazmış ki sapla samanı karıştırdığını anlamak için dikkatli okur olmak, gaza gelmemek ve tabii yazının hakkını vermek gerekmektedir.



18 Mayıs 2011

Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.07 (Complete Version)

The entire story can be found here as a pdf file. I have re-read all the parts one more time and made some minor changes. The plot and events did not change so if you have followed the blog entries for the last 10 days, you don't need to read again.

It is not edited by a native speaker of English who knows how to proofread stories so there must be grammar errors and usage of wrong words occasionally. Please ignore those problems while reading and try to concentrate on the story itself. Honestly speaking, I like inventing stories, not playing with words. I write in English for fun only and perhaps to reach people who do not read Turkish, not to get published. If I have time in the future, I can translate all my stories written in English and make another compilation in Turkish.


The story of the mouse was a fun experience for me. After a long time, I got a good momentum of writing and finished a relatively long piece of writing in a short time (10 days).

I have six more story ideas in my head and hopefully I will be able to write all of them before the next actuarial exams put pressure on me.

Enjoy reading,

AA

17 Mayıs 2011

Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.01 - 5th day (END)

15th May 20.. – 22:31

Dear new diary,

I don’t know where I am now and perhaps not knowing is the best thing for the time being. I am given this notebook with a childish pink cover. It is disgusting as there is a Mickey Mouse picture on it. For those who don’t know, I should write here: We mice do not like Mickey Mouse because it does not really represent the mice. It does not even have moustaches and it is a symbol of cowardice. I head many times when people play sports, the good players call the weak ones, “What are you, maaaan? Are you a lion or a Mickey Mouse?” This is why we love Jerry. He is smart and brave. And he has a nice, mousely moustache!

Dear new diary, do not misunderstand me but I miss my old diary, the one with the blue cover, the one I was talking to in recent days. They took the old one from me after my first night in the prison cell. The plan was to deport me to a small island at the middle of a distant river. I don’t know how they would carry me there and how they would make sure that I could not come back. It was their problem. However, for the history’s sake I should get back to the day of trial and tell you what exactly happened on that important day.

I already wrote above, I was put in a prison cell to wait for my exile. This already leaves no question about the court’s decision. The supreme judge did not have any hesitation in his voice while reading the court’s final verdict. He clearly declared that I am not only an enemy of revolution but also an enemy of mouse community. I can never be rehabilitated by the system so the only thing court should do is to isolate me from the innocent mouse population. This is the only way to make sure I will no more harm the young brains in building 1. Therefore, I must be exiled to an island where I must live with some ignorant, uneducated mice who don’t even speak my language. I must not communicate with the mice living in building 1 and must not write a single word for the rest of my life. Then he continued with the cliché exaltations of the great leader. He mentioned why we should be following the principles of ANIFA and how we can be so grateful to the great leader for his foresighted ideas. The trial adjourned with the classic praises of the great leader. The mice inside the court applauded and the mice outside the court were forced to stay silent. Even though I asked about the future of my kids, the noise inside the court did not allow my question reach to the right ears. With the help of two guards, I was taken outside the court and then brought to a prison cell.

I must admit that I was lucky for all this time for one thing. Before leaving for the court I put my diary into my pocket and fortunately no one in the court has searched me. So when I arrived to the cell, the two court guards handed me to a young prison guard. He walked me till the door of my cell and before he unlocked my shackles, he searched my pockets. When he found the diary in my pocket, instead of looking at what is written inside, he looked back at the main door of the prison to check if any other prison guard sees him. Once he was sure that there was no one checking on him, he leaned towards my ears and whispered “I am a Snowist too. You must keep this!” I was shocked. I have never heard “Snowism” before but this comrade talked like he is part of a secret group which carries my name. I could not say anything but just smiled, acted as I understood what he was talking about. After releasing me from my iron burdens, he gently escorted me to the cell. Before locking the door on me, he turned and said “If you need anything, let me know. It is my privilege to serve you.”

That night I wrote till morning about the day of the trial. It was a day like a rollercoaster and I wanted nothing is missing on that important day of my life. So it took hours to write the details of all moments. Towards the morning, I fell in sleep on my diary, right before I wrote the final verdict of the court. However, the real shock came in the morning.

After a few hours of sleep, I woke up with a bang on the door. There was no enough time to stand up properly, yet there was any time to hide the diary. Three policemice stormed in and held my front legs, dragged me towards the wall as if they wanted to crucify me at that point. Then the great leader entered the cell. I have not seen him for long time and he looked very different to me. He was a smaller, chubbier and even older than I thought. While I was expecting him to say something, he looked at me, opened his mouth but said nothing. He checked the things around and suddenly saw my diary. After reading a few random pages, he gave it to the guard behind him. This was the same guard who let me have my diary last night. His face seemed as distant as the moon in a partly cloudy night. His eyes were full of fear. Perhaps, he was scared of prosecution. Perhaps, he too had a wife and kids, possibly worrying about them. After seeing him in that situation, I bowed my head down in an apologizing manner. This was also made sure of the minimum communication between us during the presence of our enemies. They stayed silent, I stayed silent. No one said a word.

Before leaving the cell, the great leader said “Send him away as soon as possible. Every single day he spends in this cell is additional harm to the society.” Then he looked at me once more and with a voice he was sure I could hear, he whispered one of the policemice, “After you send him away, put that guard in this cell. At least he can be happy to rot in the same place once his master lived” At that moment, I realized that there was an ongoing silent war against the great leader and he was so threatened by death. He was so cautious about me and this is why he came by himself to make sure that no Snowist enters my cell. He was afraid of losing. This means we already started winning...

Once they left the cell and locked the door on me, I had nothing to do. My dear diary has gone. I could not even write the court decision. I was upset, or more than upset. I was extremely frustrated. I walked up and down in the cell. To make my prison experience more painful, they have put a window which sees the trees and the sky. I looked out all day and waited for some news from other comrades. But no one came! In fact, other than the blowing wind near the window and purring of my own breath, I heard nothing all day.

I must confess that the idea of committing suicide came across my mind a few times but I easily swirled it once I think of the prospective revolution. Yes, I would be sent to a place where I cannot celebrate the coming new age, where I cannot spread the words of justice for all. However, I needed to live even if it is to upset the great leader; even it is to support my followers morally. Perhaps, those who call themselves Snowists will make remarkable changes in the history of mice one day without me physically supporting them.

I slept for a few hours in the afternoon and when I woke up still there was nothing to do. I sat at the corner and did nothing. No, I was not chained to a wall but being in a prison tires one’s mind. Imagine a caged bird with nice, long wings. What is the point of having wings if you are kept in a cage? Those wings can only cause pain. My legs were free, as free as the walls permit. So I rejected all the tempting offers from my brain and sat there, did nothing.

At midnight, I heard some whispers behind the door but first I thought this was an ordinary patrolling of the corridors. A few minutes later, the door opened and two guards entered the room. They greeted me and said “Comrade Snow, we are here to take you to a safe place where the great leader cannot find you, cannot control your words.” I was surprised but not as surprised as the last night. They must be Snowist too. With a bit of confusion, I said “Where? Is there any safe place on this earth where his secret agents do not go and assassinate those who are against him?” One of the guards whispered, “Don’t worry, sir! We know what we are doing. You must be certain that we are not alone.” I looked at their faces one more time, asked myself why I should trust them and finally decided to join them as the other option would have been to stay in the cell and wait for the deportation.

We have passed some dark tunnels, entered some wet and smelly channels and walked for almost one day. I knew we were no more in the school area but I felt we were not too far either. Tired, hungry and thirsty; we ended up at a place where suddenly I saw the sunlight and green meadows. It was a kind of hill and down the hill there was a building with a nice big garden. I asked the two comrades “What is this place?” They smiled cleverly and said “This is your new home, sir! This is where you will write your new books and make the thousands who follow you intellectually satisfied till the day you can return to the building 1 and retrieve your victory.” This answer was not really what I wanted but I did not want to spoil that happy moment of the two young comrades.

While looking at the building, we saw a few hundreds of mice coming towards us. The guard on my left said “Here, the young Snowists. They are coming to greet you.” The one on my right laughed loudly and said “Ohh, I miss home. Let’s run... Come on, who will reach the building first?” Then they started running in front of me. Seeing them as two young mice running on the beautiful grass, resembling strength and youth, I could not stop myself. I too started running. However, my legs were not as strong as theirs. With the speed I gained through the downhill, I felt like my back legs were ahead of my front legs. I was going down way too fast and lost my control. Suddenly I wanted to give up but it was too late. Instead of running like a cheetah that all mice dreamed of, I tumbled and started rolling on the fresh smelling grass. I was revolving like a ball.

At the end, I was free and content. “Let my body roll till the end.” I said to myself leaving all my worries behind. I was with the ones who respect my ideas and will listen to me till the justice and truth conquer the world of mice. I was with the right comrades. Once the hill was over, I slowed down, stopped, stood up and clean myself quickly before the crowd sees me as a naughty leader.

When I arrived to the crowd who was waiting to greet me, a little girl mouse approached me first and gave me a daisy. Then with a very pretty voice she said, “Welcome to your new home, Comrade Snowball!”

Ali Rıza Arıcan, 7 May – 16 May 2011

· The last parapgraph of words that Snow says in the court are adapted from the writings of Marx and Engels, in the aftermath of the 1848 revolution. Source: http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1847/communist-league/1850-ad1.htm

16 Mayıs 2011

Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.07 - 4th day (4)

Tak, tak, tak, tak... Silent!

We were all silent!

Tak, tak, tak, tak, tak... Silent please!

We were all silent!

The representative of the great leader, the supreme judge –the great leader did not come- started talking after making sure that he will be the only one talking from now on and no one will utter a word without his permission. He looked into my face with very solemn eyes and began speaking:

- Comrade Snow! You are accused of three crimes. Do you know what they are?

- Yes, your honour!

- Let me repeat once more to make sure that the court knows the accusations.

First: You have behaved carelessly while interacting with humans. You made yourself too visible in the day times and put yourself and your community in a great danger. This caused the death of five comrades previous night and the toll might rise tonight and the following nights.

Second: You intend to have an illicit love affair with a human despite the fact that our principles strictly ban such an ugly behaviour in all circumstances. What if you get infected by a human and bring some deadly diseases to our community? We all know that humans are dirty, greedy, aggressive animals. They carry all sorts of diseases that once we get infected, the entire mice community could be wiped out from the earth! How could you bear the responsibility of such a freewheeling behaviour?

Third and the most important one: You seem to have some counter-revolutionary ideas which are harming the solidarity of mice. You do know that these are the times we need to be united as a single force against our enemies and you do know that solidarity of mice in these days is even more important than doing the morally right thing. Your writings are now in the hands of many young, inexperienced, naive comrades and they are now spreading those absurd ideas all over the mice community. It is like flu, affecting the weak ones first and spreading quickly like the cyanide in the blood. If we do not stop it, it will cause a big split at the middle of the mouse community.

The court would like to listen to your defence and asks you to make yourself clear.

So dear diary, our conversation started with this opening. I was not surprised with the first two accusations and a part of the third one. However, I had no idea how my thoughts –the diaries that I hide in my room- spread over the youth and influenced their minds. I was not sure if I should be happy or not! Should I? Perhaps yes! One should fight for his ideas, right? One should be standing despite the current against him. If the young mice read my thoughts and agreed upon them, how can this be my fault? However, I cannot say it is my success either. I always considered myself as an independent thinker. I kept my opinions as clandestine as possible and never spoke to anyone about them, not even to my closest friends. So who has leaked my writings outside? Not my kids? Not my ex-wife? Then there must be a secret organization using my ideas as their principles and spreading them in young population. They were probably sneaking into my home when I was away and copying them. This is really impressive, dear diary! Very very promising! Just before I lose all my hope in the youth because of their bohemian life styles, now I realized that there is still hope in the young generation.

However, I still needed to clean my hands from the first two crimes. For this I wanted to play down, bowing my head and asking for their understanding.

Comrade supreme judge! I admit that I am guilty of the first crime. I did careless things while listening to my heart instead of listening to my mind. My heart is a fire place and I don’t know how I can control it. Once the fire begins, the wind takes the entire control and the flames spread to my mind so quickly that I hardly have time to adjust. I behaved heedlessly but I never wanted to kill any comrade. This case should be considered as an accident because I did not intend to harm anyone. It is an indirect result of a mindless behaviour. Therefore, I am asking from the court to forgive me. I can talk to the families of the lost comrades and ask for their compassion. I know nothing will bring those five valuable lives back but punishing me for an accident like this will cost the community one more comrade.

Then I stopped talking and waited for the reaction. The crowd behind me started shouting, “Murderer! Killer!!! Rot in Hell! Traitor!” I was not surprised as this would be the reaction of crowds in such an environment. But at that moment, I realized that the crowd on my right side was dead quiet. They did not say a word. I thought the split that the great leader mentioned has already occurred. They were quiet because they were afraid of the great leader or his shadow in the courtroom otherwise they would be supporting me. A huge empire of fear was built in every mouse’s head together with its castles and prisons. Other than this, they were with me. I felt stronger at that moment, felt “bigger than life” after a very long time. Perhaps, it was the time to stop being fainthearted. It was time to be a leader, to behave like a leader, to talk like a leader... The supreme judge began talking after silencing the crowd.

We will consider your plea after the session. You seem you regret your behaviour. This can play a mitigating role in our final verdict. So what do you say about the other two crimes. Are you also going to ask for clemency for betraying the principles of the revolution?

I listened to his question carefully so that I can use his words to attack him which he would not expect at all.

No, your honour! I won’t expect any forgiveness from you or from the loyal comrades for my ideas because I don’t think I did anything wrong. I fell in love with a human female but my relationship lasted only a few days. So now I can say it was not love but only a fancy infatuation. I truly loved my wife once but after she left me and my kids, my heart needed someone to replace her. So I saw this woman and I thought it could happen. We all make same mistake, right? We take risks and love is all about taking risk. At least I was courageous enough –and stupid too- to jeopardize my life for my love. She tried to kill me three times. You cannot understand how my heart shattered after each failure of declaration of love. I tried and I failed. However, we have to ask ourselves why?

Humans are everywhere, your honour and if we want to live in peace, we have to learn living with them. I still believe it is possible to sign treaties with humans and live without the fear. We already have rats, snakes, dogs, ravens to be afraid of. Humans can be kind. Why are they so generous to cats and dogs? What benefit do they receive from these animals? Nothing! But still they feed them; they enjoy the company of dogs, they like playing with cats. Now, my question is why we are not trying to ally with the strong ones and use their power to wipe out our real enemies, the rats! With the smart weapons of men in our hands, we can easily initiate the revolution and throw out the rats outside this land. Then the entire school can be ours, building 2, building 3, the dormitory, the gym, the pool, the football field and the tennis courts, the library, the parking lot and even the president’s office. The poor mice suffering under the selfish management of rats, the miserable citizens of mouseland crying everyday for food while all their stocks are stolen by the bourgeois rats, the enslaved comrades working in the dark tunnels to find food for rats... They all need this revolution as soon as possible.

The court was quiet for a few seconds. I thought I was getting their support. When the supreme judge looked at the crowd with expecting eyes, almost angrily anticipating their contribution, they started again. “Liar! Daydreamer! Idiot! Enemy of mice! Enemy of the great leader!... Death to the traitors!”

The supreme judge waved his hand to silence the crowd as if he wasn’t the one who started it. Then he turned to one of the judges sitting next to him. The judge sitting in his red cloak whispered him a few words and their conversation lasted a few minutes. Of course, no one heard what they said to each other but it seemed to me that the supreme leader was no more as strong as he used to be. The judge with the red cloak turned me and asked

Your answers are too sentimental, far from being logical. You assume that humans will sit on tables with us to bargain out future. You assume that they will like us. Besides, none of the things you said can explain your writings on permanent revolution or spreading the revolutions to other lands. According to your diary, written on 13th February 20.., you even want the revolution spreads outside this school, other side of the highway, every corner of the world. Is this true? Don’t you think these are against the ideas of great leader who suggests keeping ourselves strong with one state and defending our sovereignty? Being against the great leader is the biggest crime as it threatens the unity of the prospective revolution. What will you say about it?

At that moment, I thought they actually seized all my notebooks, not only one or two. So they can pick any one or two sentences like a doctor picks a dirty tissue from a wound and consequently blame me for that particular sentence without considering where that sentence comes from. However, I did not want to negotiate about the authority of the great leader. I wanted to say what I exactly wrote in this diary a few days ago.

Dear comrade judge, I have to admit that I don’t worship individuals. I believe our biggest trouble is to exalt the leaders to a point where we turn blind to their mistakes. I believe the future of mice is in the revolution and surely great leaders are required to achieve great things. However, leaders exist like all other mice. One goes, another comes. They are mortal. Their ideas can survive till time spreads the cold ashes over them. Then we need new leaders, new horizons, new targets. Sticking the same principles for many years will only drag us backwards. I truly believe in a society which can achieve both equity and efficiency but I don’t believe this can be done by static rules. We need to adapt to the change, we need to discover the psychology of mice and create the new society all together.

I also believe that it is our interest and our task to make the revolution permanent until all the more or less propertied classes have been driven from their ruling positions, until the proletariat has conquered state power and until the association of the proletarians has progressed sufficiently far – not only in one building but in all the leading buildings of the world – that competition between the proletarians of these buildings ceases and at least the decisive forces of food supplies are concentrated in the hands of the working mice. ... Their battle-cry must be: "The Permanent Revolution".

Then I stopped, dear diary! As soon as I stopped I heard some noise again but this time it was on my side, more like mumbling, a hesitating burble was coming out slowly. But once the level of sound reached the alarming points, the supreme judge hit the table in front of him and shouted to the guards while showing the mice on my right side.

Take this crowd outside. They don’t know how to behave in the court.

While the guards were taking my supporters outside, I felt that the war started. There was no more going back for me. I needed to be strong in order to guide these young mice who trust me. I needed to be a responsible mouse no matter what the court would decide.

The supreme judge asked me many more questions and I answered them with the same tone. Sometimes I gave an ironic response making them feel miserable and sometimes I explained my theories with precise logic that leaves no doubt behind. The whole trial took more than 3 hours. At the end I was exhausted but at the same time I was pleased with what I have achieved. Once all questions are asked, they gave 15 minutes break to the trial in order to discuss the final verdict. The noise inside the court was suppressing the protests outside but still I knew very well that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of young hearts were with me. During that 15 minutes break, a guard approached to my ex-wife and took her to the back room where three judges were discussing the verdict. I was pretty sure they would be asking her about the kids and about my effectiveness as a father. They needed her because they knew that legends are born only when eyewitnesses keep silent. It was quite clear that a legend would be the last thing they needed now. So the lies, aspersions and defamations will be following the court’s decision.

Then dear diary, the supreme judge and the other two judges appeared with firm faces. They were walking with small steps as if they wanted to know where exactly they were putting their feet. Then the court stood up. The supreme judge unfolded a piece paper in his hand and started reading.

To be continued...

14 Mayıs 2011

Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.07 - 4th day (3)

Court house is an old computer chassis brought from the first floor. I remember the day it was carried up here by twenty faithful comrades. I was one of them, handsome and strong Snow with infinite dreams of youth, with handful of imaginations for his future. This place is also where I met my wife first time. In those days, she was a comrade too, fully loyal to the prospective revolution and the great leader. In fact, I must confess she was more active than me in those days. Then time took her enthusiasm from her and gave to me. She was thrown away from the purity of revolutionary ideas and ended up with rats, with their never-ending lies to exploit our sources.

At the gate of the court house it is written “Powered by Intel” but they have crossed out the word “Intel” and next to it they wrote “Truth”. I entered the court slowly with the shackles on my leg clinking through my steps. The mice around were staring at me as if they were staring at a spoiled wound or a gangrenous leg. I tried not to pay attention to their prying eyes as I needed to concentrate on my thoughts in order to defend myself clearly in the court. But at that moment, I heard a familiar voice, a voice that I can never forget even if years pass, a voice that I can single out even if it comes among one thousand other voices. This was the voice of my ex-wife and the idea of having her in the court made me suspicious. What was she doing here? Didn’t she flee to live under the protective wings of the rats? Didn’t she betray the revolution once she believed the most? I looked around to see her but inside was too crowded. There were so many mice who are extremely curious about this trial.

When I reach the point where I was supposed to stand up in front of the great leader, I saw her before my eyes. She did not seem guilty at all. In fact, she had more stars on her shoulders than many other officials in the room. Once she got close enough to hear my voice, I asked her “What the hell are you doing here? Didn’t you leave me and my children for your dear rat friends? How dare can you enter this courtroom as if you have not done anything wrong?” She did not seem irritated by the cloudburst of angry questions. Her gesture was calm, her standing was firm. She looked into my eyes and said “I neither left you nor my children. I was given a job, a secret job by the great leader and I needed to do it for the sake of our future.” I thought a few seconds on whether what she was saying could be true or not but I was upset after all those lonely nights so I did not want to be bent so easily. Even if it was true, how could she possibly let us suffer like this? Couldn’t she let me know that she was doing a secret spying? I was her husband! I could have kept the secrets! With an angrier voice, I said “You are not only a traitor, you are also a liar. But definitely, you are not a good one. I don’t believe a single word of what you have just said.” She was standing emotionlessly in front of me, looking very imperturbable, surprisingly tranquil. “I am not trying to convince you my dear Snow. It is up to you whether you believe me or not. However, I can assure you that I was a spy for the revolution, sent to the ratland by the Great Leader. My duty is over now so I am back with a lot of information which will be used in order to beat rats and create our just society free from rats. You can never know how much I miss my kids and my home. Every night I cried silently but I needed to be strong, I needed to let my tears flow inside me so that my children, if not perhaps them but their children will live without the fear of rats.”

I did not know what to say, dear diary! She missed her kids and her home but did not miss her husband! Say what she was telling me now is true. How can I forget in a second, all the pain it caused to me? Yes, I too want my kids having a free future, I too desire a society in which no one exploits another one’s labour. Perhaps, this is nothing compared to what many other comrades went through. They have been tortured, kept in prisons for years, died in prisons, forced to live in exile... Maybe I should let it go, take it easy and forgive her. But she does not even ask for forgiveness. I was in conflicting thoughts. With that state of discombobulated mind I asked her “Do you still love me? Can we get back together again?” She smiled but I knew this smile did not mean a positive answer. It was more like a pitying stare, like the sort of eyes trying not to hurt me...She waited for a few seconds and said “No, comrade Snow. Unfortunately we cannot get back together. Time is cruel and during my secret duty, I fell in love with another spy who is one rank higher than me. I cannot get back to you now. We made plans and this is one of the reasons I have come here today. You are an unaccountable mouse. Look what you have caused in last 3-4 days! How can I trust you and live with you? How can I leave my kids with you?”

So dear diary, what do you think a male mouse should do in such a weird moment? I at least respected her honesty. She was straightforward and courageous. She did not try to go around and made it more complicated for both of us. But still, no matter where the arrow comes from, it hurts terribly and blood oozes down through my skin to create a picture of misery which no one can ignore. I stood there, trying to escape from her sympathetic stares and waiting for my mind to get settled. Yes, in one day I had two broken hearts and I was still alive. Perhaps, I should change the title on the cover of this diary and write “The Chronicle of Broken Hearts”. It will be catchier too. I was sad, devastated, broken, hurt but not dead yet. I needed to have strength to go through what was ahead of me. There was one more question I wanted to ask but I was afraid of the answer. I knew the answer and I did not want to hear it from her. Why was she here, in the court? Why did she just come to meet me here today, right before the trial?

Yes, dear diary! It is true! She is here for two more reasons. First, she will make sure that she will take care of my kids after I am taken to prison or sent to exile. When the judge asks, she will be available in front of everyone in the court, claiming in the case of my absence, my children will not suffer at all. Secondly, she is here as a witness. If the court needs to know more about my reckless lifestyle or my thoughts against the great leader’s ideas, she would be the finest source to feed them. So I knew her motivation now and being a shackled mouse, I was helpless. I asked her to leave me alone so that I can have my own time. She touched my hand in a consoling way, smiled once more and walked back to the one of the seats at the front. As soon as she sat, the representative of the great leader (the supreme judge) and three judges entered the court room. The noise stopped immediately and everyone stood up. I was already standing so just stared at those who are entering the room and wished for the justice to win.

To be continued...

13 Mayıs 2011

Diary of a Mouse Living in 1.6.07 - 4th day (2)

I quietly sneaked out and found my way to the ceiling of the room 1.6.07. It is much easier for us to walk in the ceilings than walking on the floor when people are awake. The distance between the concrete ceiling and the metal platform creates a cosy walking environment for us. It is also good place for playing hide-and-seek because there are many pipes, cables, boxes etc here. The veins and trachea of the building! I should also mention that most of the people are coward and they like ignoring our presence although they knew we were the ones making those rattling noise above their heads. I went straight to see my sweetheart but she was not on her desk yet. Instead of waiting there and doing nothing, I decided to look at some of the people whom my sweetheart is sharing the office with and tried to imagine their personal lives. Being a mouse and looking at them from a very high point, I thought I would be able to make some good observations.

Generally speaking, people in this office seem to me quite unhappy. There is no ambition in their eyes, no enthusiasm of being the smartest animal on earth. In fact, they are no different from the mice in many ways. Instead of we go looking for food, people get together in the offices to make money and later on, they use this money to acquire food. I understand that the thing they call money can buy more than food but I don’t understand its function when you sleep or make love or play with your children. The biggest funs of life –even for humans- can be achieved without money but they seem they have forgotten this.

Let’s take this young man as an example. I saw him on his desk for many late evenings. Almost 40 years old, still single, wearing a pink shirt with a nice pink neck tie, looking for true love but while waiting for the true love to get him hooked, he does not waste his time. Coming from a good Vietnamese family, having a degree from an overseas university, speaking fluent English make him one of the best assets to hold for the prospective wives in the city. He usually studies or works till late hours in the office or should I say he tries because his two mobile phones on the desk and the chat program on the screen constantly distracts him. He neither denies the harmful effects of the gadgets near his studies nor gets rid of them. He is in conflict of achieving something valuable in his life before it gets too late and not missing the fun outside while he is still young. So the biggest dilemma is not to know in what stage of life he is living now! Many girls contact him in the day times, he communicates with several of them at the same time. If he wants, there will be no single night he will be sleeping alone but sometimes he also feels that urge to get chained, to belong to someone and to be desired by someone only because he is unique, irreplaceable. It seems a lonely, unhappy life. The more he tries to extract the juice of life through the sensuality, the more he gets stuck into the illusion of time and youth.

Behind him, next to the window, there is a relatively old guy with pitch black hair. Unlike the young one who only trims his beard to look cool, this old guy gets a clean shave every morning. When he speaks, the entire office listens to his wise words. Sometimes he talks about the large rats –he points his leg to indicate its size- in Alaska and sometimes the financial crises happened 30 years ago. But no matter what he speaks about, the words coming out of his mouth goes to the ears of every single person in the office. Living with his cats and occasionally with his young daughter, he seems very lonely and fragile too. Life has run away under his feet and he ended up in this office with colleagues as young as his daughter. The way he speaks and the way he longs for attraction from others always make me think that this man is the loneliest island in the world.

Then I slowly walk towards the western corner of the office. This is the quietest part of the room. Not because the people here are working silently but because they hardly come to work or when they come to work, they finish quickly and leave. These must be the same advertising teachers who were the main topic of the gossip I have heard two days ago. The ones who were allegedly favoured and given very nice timetables! From the books I have read, I know that people are very sensitive to the injustice. When they see it, they react irrationally no matter if they deserve the thing they fight for or not. However, there is one thing that holds true for all societies, from mice to humans, from cockroaches to elephants. That is the need for fair treatment from the rulers. If they notice the unfairness to themselves, it does not really matter whether the ruler had good intentions or not. What matters is the resulting picture of tortuosities. Isn’t there a famous saying “The path to hell is paved with good intentions.”? I don’t remember who said this but for me it clearly points out how people with good hearts cause harm to the others by ignoring justice for everyone or neglecting the consequences of this ignorance.

This is also probably why people created religions at the first place. Promising salvation is the only common denominator for all world religions. Life is not fair to people, the human-made laws usually take sides of the powerful ones, there is no equal treatment in terms of access to food, information, shelter, entertainment etc. Therefore, they need to believe that there is another land, not in this world but after death, which will create equal opportunities for everyone, which will make fair sharing of the unlimited resources. This is why there is no money in heaven. Right, dear diary? I have never heard anyone saying I will buy a huge land in heaven once I go there. So actually this makes God a true socialist. Of course, if we look at the picture of today’s world, the misery and pain the people are going through, we should call him a sadist who creates opposing groups of people to inflict pain on each other and enjoy watching the pandemonium above them. Let’s say he is a capitalist now but he promises everyone a socialist future. This fits to him better!

You see, dear diary, how bad I am as a writer! My mind seems like a small boat in a stormy ocean. I was going to tell you my love story but I keep ending up criticising people, their faith, their life styles, their work problems. I wish there was someone looking over my writing whenever I enter to the wrong road and pull me towards the story. If the next generation mice read my writing, they will definitely condemn my writing as “ugly chit-chat but nothing more” but hopefully the clandestineness of this notebook will be protected forever. Otherwise, my children will suffer a lot in the hands of the great leader or the mice following his ideas word by word. Maybe someone will find my diary after I and my children die and say “Like all good stories, this one is not about one thing or the other thing, it is about many things but at the same time it is about one big thing: life” Ha ha, what a dream! Like the melancholic girl Amelia...

Anyway, leaving these unnecessary self-talk behind, let me get back to the real story. I moved back to my sweetheart’s section to see if she was there and found that she already came to the office and now sitting in front of her computer. She was wearing a nice green single-piece dress which showed a bit of her cleavage. The skirt part of the dress was long and covering her legs till the floor. Her hair was braided in French way and the tail was somehow extending to the front through her shoulder. I could see her cleavage clearly because I was looking from above. Her breasts looked bigger from here or they are actually big... As a mouse who is in love with a human female, I must confess that I wish to be closer to them. In fact, the best thing to do would be to get squeezed between them and fall in sleep in that sweet warmness. But anyway, there is no need to get too intimate now.

Thanks to the hundreds of holes on the metal platform, I could see everything very clearly. However, it was hard to detect her writing because of the distance. I changed my position a few times, moved from one hole to another one but no help. I ended up with the same visual problem. She was typing some words but I could not read them. Then I have decided to take a big risk and changed my vertical position. With my back feet, I held one of the screws on the platform and started dangling down towards the floor. It was not an easy act as I am not a monkey and my feet are not designed to hold the weight of my whole body. However, I did not have a chance.

Once I stabilized my body movement and became absolutely stationary, I started reading her computer screen. She closed a web site and turned on google. On the search bar, she typed “Mouse” and then clicked enter. At that moment, dear diary, I felt like finally I am winning. She must be feeling the same way so now she has started trying reconciliation strategies with me. I thought this is how humans re-negotiate deals after they accidentally mess up with things. I almost cried but I had to stop my tears because if they drop, they would drop on her head or on her beautiful green dress. Google search resulted millions of pages and she chose the Wikipedia article. This also showed that she really wants to understand me, understand my culture, my way of life. Isn’t it amazing, dear diary? Isn’t it the miracle of love?

Unfortunately, after a few minutes later, my happiness turned into a nightmare. After she scanned the Wikipedia article, browsed back to the google and this time she typed “How to kill a mouse?” Then my head started whirling, my eyes got itchy, my skin got irritated, my tongue felt like I just licked a rusty metal... The whole world turned downside up (I was upside down already!) and made my muscles get looser and looser. The more I tried holding the screw, the more my legs rejected listening to me. What was the point of being too cautious after all this anyway? She wants to kill me, wants to poison me and wants to see my corpse... I had no more hope of a happy future. So I let it go... I left the screw I was holding and felt free in the air, falling like a bomb...

No, dear diary, my life did not pass in front of my eyes, neither I thought of my childhood nor I saw a large piece of cheese. It was too quick that any word I can utter to describe that moment will take longer time than that moment itself so there is no need to write superfluous clichés. In fact, it is not important to know how I felt during the fall. It is important where I fell. As everyone would admit, those who fall cannot choose the branch. I did not choose either but the dumb luck played one last trick on me.

I fell on her head, right on top of her hair. Then my body bounced back and after a few flips in the air, I found myself holding on her dress, right in front of her cleavage. Till that moment, she was not aware of what was going so I had a few milliseconds to make a decision. I had two choices: to jump down to her table and run away or to climb up and get inside her dress, spend a few seconds very close to her body, then fall free to the ground. I thought second choice is a better one as I would never have such an opportunity again. So I did it right before she saw me on her chest and started screaming and running around like a headless chicken.

Once I got inside, I forgot my recent frustration. Even it would last less than 2-3 seconds, I was happy to be there. It was like suddenly diving into the sea and leaving all the hubbub of the world above the sea level. Like being inside the water, it was warm and quiet. I was sure that outside there was a huge hurricane going on but I did not want to worry about it. First I held her bra and jumped between her boobs. Unfortunately, seeing that there is no path to slide down from bra to the ground, I got off and jumped down. At that moment, I saw her hand, apprehensively looking for my body and trying to bring an end to the storm. But I was quicker, I fell once more and comfortably hit the ground, very near to her light leg. Then of course, I started running like a sprinter. I ran, ran and ran, leaving my love behind. I jumped into an open hole of the electric line, right behind the rubbish bin and disappeared. While running away and carrying my heavier-than-a-rat heart, I found almost no regret in my mind. At that moment, the adrenaline in my blood and the heart beat in my chest was my best friends. I thought I had fun and that was important...

Unfortunately, once a disaster hits a mouse’s house, the rest will come like a chain reaction. When I arrived home, I found no trace of my three babies. They were all gone. I asked the policemouse waiting in front of my house and he said “Once I noticed you escaped from the house arrest, I informed the great leader. He sent a nursemouse and a doctormouse here. They took your babies to the orphanage in 3rd floor. If you get acquitted from all your charges by the court, you will be given your babies back. If not, till the end of your punishment term, the babies will stay at the orphanage and will be raised by the principles of the great leader.”

Then I started crying. My three babies are taken from me and most probably I will never see them again. I sat right in front of the mousepolice and murmured “Then what, what is next?” He walked behind me and put two pieces of shackles on my back legs. After locking the chain to a heavy mass, he patted on my shoulder and said “Let’s go. It is time to get cleaned in front of the great leader and the mouse community. The entire police department is looking for you now. Time is almost 3 pm anyway. Let’s go and finish this.” I said nothing, took the heavy mass in my hands and with small steps that the shackle can allow, started walking towards the court...

To be continued...