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06 Eylül 2006

Letters from Vietnam 23

6th September 2006 – Wednesday – 09:44

It has been a long time I have been away from writing. I wrote the last journal entry on the 6th of August. Exactly one month ago. I spent most of my time, studying new things, learning more about Mathematics and Statistics. We have two more weeks of teaching and then students will write their final tests. With the beginning of the last week of September, our free days start. I might go to Thailand for a few days to see friends, to visit in-laws and to check my house. I definitely miss Thailand, my second home.

So many things happened in this one month. It is hard to mention them one by one. I took some notes in my notebook but I don’t want to write about them any more. There are a few things I want to mention today.

One of the main reasons which kept me away from writing is my old computer. It got some kind of viruses or spy wares again. It constantly types “d” itself and when I press on the key “d”, it does not type “d”. Basically, when I want to type something on my computer, out of nothing, it starts to fill the blank page with thousands of letters of “d”. I will take it to a computer shop in Bangkok when I returned. I don’t know why but I don’t want to take my computer to a shop here. Is it matter of trust? Or it is a problem with the price!

Allan said it could be a good story if I write the story of the computer, which does not type the letter “d”. I thought about it before. It might be but I remember a crime story –by Agatha Christie or Holmes- in which there was a broken typewriter. The detective in the story solves the crime by checking the papers and finding a link between the written text and the typewriter. My story could be a funny one. Or it could be some metaphoric language since we are all missing some points in our lives. Some people miss “d”, some miss “x”… There is a website of a software engineer o internet. He writes a short story a day! I really envy him. I should start something like that… Only with a commitment like that, one can write regularly besides doing another job. The address of the website is http://www.ashortstoryaday.com/

Last week I decided to take Financial Math exam and last weekend I gave up. I ripped off all the FM notes I brought from Bangkok, deleted all the exam files from my computer. It was joyful day and I really felt lighter after tearing each piece pf paper and threw them into the bin. I don’t need more stress in my life. I need to learn living light, without having heavy responsibilities other than my marriage and writing. At the end, it is already late to change my career. I will definitely return my high school teaching job. University has a good environment but it is more stressful. There is only one thing I want to achieve after this age: To write more stories, publish my books, finish my incomplete novel and spend my time with these things… No more exams, no more career changes, no more dreams, no more stupid targets…

My university offers free MBA to its staff. I have to answer before 14th September if I want to join. J thinks that it is a good opportunity since it is free and I need a master’s degree. A normal MBA degree costs around 10-15 thousands USD and I can do it without paying single penny. But I don’t think it is the way of thinking I should try. The first thing I don’t want a master’s degree in MBA and the second thing what I can do with MBA in the future? I don’t want to teach leadership skills or management methods in a university. I don’t want to talk about advertisement, marketing or any other thing! I want to teach Math and write stories… I am still thinking but probably my answer will be negative. I don’t need MBA! I need to be more creative and be more hard-worker.

I want to write about Steve Irwin. The guy who was challenging the crocodiles, pythons and all sorts of wild animals in front of the cameras for the sake of his shows has been killed by a sting-ray. I never watched his programs with great attention since it is something less than loving nature but more like making money by using animal’s wild world. He was the guy playing with the animals before the TV cameras, showing his authority over them and making money by this way. It is a terrible thing to be killed by a wild animal and I myself fels so sad when i heard the news first time. I certainly sympathise his family and the people who loved him but at the end the job he has done was not something fantastic. There is no real link between making people love nature and challenging animals in the wild! Can we really say we love the crocodiles more when we see him playing with them! Can we really say he made us appreciate the animal kingdom more with his challenging behaviours? I don’t think so! Animals, like many other things in the nature, are mirrors for the humans to see themselves. The more we show our power on them, the more we prove that we are enjoying the fame of “looking brave”. It is very sad that he was killed by an animal at the end. I guess this will make him a bigger hero. And like all the other heroes, he will never die.

Tomorrow I will write about military service, Mekong Delta trip and the books I have been reading.
Now I need to get back to work… There are a lot of things to do…

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